Been a while

It has been quite a while since I last posted something here. Life has gone by very quickly it seems, like a swiftly moving river flowing ever so unnoticeable to the people who live near it's banks.

I am on new meds for the migraines. They are working and I have more energy than I have in years! Yeah! I have been able to share with people the message that Migraines are not just bad headaches, they are a disease process, and that has been a blessing. To be able to help others deal with their pain issues is my goal in this area.

As many of you know I took a sabbatical from actually working as Spiritual Counselor at YRMC Hospice at the end of last Year (2008). It has not been the year I expected, all full of meditation and renewal and such. It has been a year getting control of the Migraine disease, and I can only be grateful for Spirit's guidance into knowing that I needed this year. I cannot imagine what shape I would have been in had I been working and gone through the stroke symptoms I had during the summer. So once again, I look at the synchronicities that come into life and know that they are from someplace higher than myself and I say "thank-you".

I am grateful also that my work continues with hospice as a volunteer. I love being able to help families by providing respite and spending time visiting with patients, laughing with them as they talk about their lives and things that have brought meaning to them. To see a smile on their faces is a gift to my soul.

I also have still been able to officiate at some memorials through local mortuary and as strange as it may seem to some, I feel a special call to this ministry as well as to hospice. It is an honor to be called upon to speak about someone who has made their transition into the next life, and to allow for their family and friends to celebrate their life in a way that brings out the best in their life is a joy to me.

Fall has come and gone here in the high desert. It was beautiful this year. Lots of colorful trees around town. Now we have two cords of wood stacked and ready for winter, we have used the wood stove twice already with nights getting down into the mid 20's.

I will try to post more often...maybe with the new year, more postings will come from my heart to yours to encourage you in your journey.

Love to you,
Peace and Blessings,
Charlotte

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Life is full of changes. Once we think we have an inkling of how our blocks are stacking up, they can topple down any moment. That has been my experience in the last six weeks. We set out of an journey to go and 'rescue' our youngest daughter at her request, and after making sure that this was something she really and truly wanted, we set out to drive across the country. From Arizona to Maryland, to get her, then to make a trip to Minnesota to see family and our Great Aunt Velda who is now in a Skilled Nursing Facility, and then back here to Arizona.

The trip did not go as we thought it would.

I myself, have no memory of past the point of dropping our beloved dog Jake off at a friend's house Saturday morning, until we got to some place in Wisconsin, and I only knew it was Wisconsin because of the roadsigns that said so. I sat there in the car, wondering why we were in Wisconsin, and the only thing I could come up with was that we must be there to take Sarah to Winona, Minnesota to go to college, as she had been wanted to go there. I also noticed that my left arm was feeling heavy, and my whole left side was weak. I had a really bad headache also. Marty drove us straight through to the Winona Emergency Department. They treated me for the migraine, did a CT scan, which showed brain swelling linked to the migraine and said the the amnesia was also from the migraine, something called transient global amnesia. The radiologist also said he saw an area of an old infarct (an old stroke) less than 1 millimeter. There was no way to tell when that had occurred, maybe last year when we were in California. At that time I experienced one pupil being much larger than the other one and it would not dilate right even when Marty used his pen light on it. They gave me some meds for the migraine and I left the ER walking and talking almost normal one again.

There were other issues going on at the time with our daughter, the normal ups and downs that we have gone through with her for years, dealing with someone who has a mental illness and who refuses to get counseling. This is not the place to talk about that although it is our belief that these issues and stressors may have brought on the migraines on the trip which caused the neuro episodes.

The rest of the trip was just as stressful. It is very fuzzy to me, memories fade in and out like shadows around a flame. I did have another neuro episode on the trip, trouble walking and talking.

Once home I went to see my primary care PA. She was wonderful. She put me through about an hour and a half worth of neuro tests and set me up to see a neurologist two days later. Well, we walked in and I felt like we were back in the 1950's. He had a long white doctor's coat on, all starched with his name embroidered on the pocket, his stethoscope around his neck. He asked me a few questions and when I was taking too long to answer he asked Marty to explain everything because I was talking to slow. He then looked at my form and asked me in a very condescending manner,"You have a Master's degree?" I felt very degraded. He had me walk to the wall, which I stumbled a few times and Marty had to stand up and catch me. Then he had me follow his finger with my eyes. That was the extent of his neurological exam. He informed me that he thought it as all psychological and I could have an MRI only IF I wanted one.

The only good thing he did was put me on Topomax, a seizure med now used for migraines, and he ordered the MRI.

I ended back in the ER the next week, and that the Infinite Being that watches over us all, the doctor was one who Marty knew and once he heard about all I had been through, he got a hold of one of the good neuro doctors in Prescott and I have an appointment to see him tomorrow.

Now that is the nuts and bolts of what I have been through.

My brain is tired of writing, and going back over each sentence to make sure it makes sense. I will write more about what all this has meant to me and what I have learned having experienced stroke like symptoms, whether these have been TIA's or just massive migraines which have restricted blood flow to the brain (yes that is what migraines do).

Waiting

As many know we set our intentions and directed our prayers so that we would be able to move back home to Minnesota or Wisconsin last November. Marty interviewed with an ambulance company and was hired, we put the house on the market. At the end of December I quit my job, to go on Sabbatical. And we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

We are still waiting.

We have become comfortable in waiting.

During these months of waiting, all manner of suggestions have come to us from all directions, on what we can do to hurry up the sale of the house, to get the energy moving, to clear out any negative things that may be holding us back. And all the suggestions have been given to us because of the love of our friends whom we cherish, and are deeply grateful to in trying to help us get back home.

Yet, we have done all, and are still waiting.

It occurred to me the other day, when I was wishing that Spring would get here and there would be no more cold weather sneaking up on us, that truly there is nothing we can do to make Spring arrive any sooner. There is no prayer, no ceremony, no ritual that will make Spring get here to stay. We have to wait patiently through cold snaps that come and go, until finally there are no more, and the days are filled with warm sunshine and we can finally say that Spring has arrived in all it's glory.

I have watched as the plants are in the same waiting room that we find ourselves in...they begin to sprout, they bloom, then the cold hits, and blossoms are frozen, leaves curl in and I imagine they do not like the waiting for Spring to finally arrive than Marty and I like waiting for our house to sell. Yet, they wait patiently, as we do, until Spring does arrive, and they can grow and grow and grow.

We as humans like to think that we can control things. We think if we pray enough, if we set our intentions and think only on those positive thoughts, that we can make things fall into place for us. And yet, as important as being positive and staying centered...it is just as important to say these simple words of truth: Thy will be done, not my will, but yours Creator.

For there is a higher knowledge that we have about perfect timing, and for us, for Marty and I, we know that whenever our house sells, whenever we get back home, it will be in God's perfect timing. We can trust because everything else in our lives has worked on this principle.

So, we wait, and while we wait, we enjoy this moment, this hour, this day that we have together, to love, to laugh, to enjoy friends, to bring healing to those around us, to give of ourselves as Christ gave of himself. Knowing we are exactly where we are supposed to be, for such a time as this.

If you are waiting for something, remember things always work out for good, in perfect timing. Enjoy where you are at, be happy with the simple pleasures of life and smile...it will pull up your heart strings and you will hear the melody of life flowing through your soul.

Floating on the River of LIfe

Today I was reminded of an experience I had when I was much younger, living in Texas, and going to the San Gabriel River a lot to float down it with our inner tubes. I was headed home from church and felt impressed to stop and watch the river flowing, so I did. Once I reached the water's edge, Spirit led me to take my shoes off and stand in the middle of the river, which was about knee high. I could feel the current pushing against my legs and it took a bit of effort to keep standing upright. It wasn't too long that I felt Spirit nudging me to lay down in the water, at which I did protest, I was in my Sunday clothes after all. Yet, I knew there was some meaning to this event, so I did sit down, and as I leaned back into the water, the swift current took ahold of me and I began to float on the surface. Down stream I went, miraculously flowing with the main current, staying away from trees and boulders in the way.

I noticed that if I tried to steer myself or if I stiffened up and tried to make my own way downstream, I would drift to where the rocks scrapped my body, or I would run into overhanging tree branches. But if I lay very relaxed and allowed the natural current to pull me along, I was unharmed.

It did not take me long to get the lesson.

My life was like that river...a journey through beautiful landscape to be enjoyed and to relax and have fun with. As long as I trusted Spirit to guide me, as long as I did not try to make my own way, I was protected, I was nurtured, and I was in that perfect place of allowing whatever to come into my life knowing that I would be all right.

That still holds true today. There are a lot of things I may not understand about what life has brought my way. But one sure thing. I have traveled down the rapids no worse for wear, and I am a more peaceful, more beautiful, more confident soul for having the faith to trust in God, to know that Spirit's guidance is always there... no matter what.

May you know that no matter what may lie ahead... you are loved, you are protected, you are peace.

Books to help on the Journey toward Death

Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life, by Megory Anderson.

Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying, by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelly.
These two hospice nurses have 20 years of close and comforting work with the dying. They share insight into the special awareness that they have termed Nearing Death Awareness. Unlike near death experiences, the Nearing Death Awareness is part of the dying process Itself and serves a very vital purpose. *Excellent chapter on what a person needs in order to die peacefully.

The Wheel of Life, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Ms. Ross shares with us her life story as she herself faces death.

Graceful Passages, A Companion for Living and Dying, (book and CD)by Michael Stillwater & Greg Milkin.
Provides life-affirming music, with messages from celebrated leaders of personal development, guides us to examine what matters most, transforming fear and pain into a pathway of healing, compassion, and understanding.

Death, the Final Stage of Growth, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Offers a spectrum of viewpoints about death including cultural differences.
Living with Death and Dying, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Compassionate guide to communicating with the terminally ill.

Advice on Dying, and Living a Better Life, by the Dalai Lama.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama draws from a wide range of traditions and beliefs to explore what happens when we die.

Parting Visions, by Melvin Morse.
Dr. Morse shares insights from his research into near death experiences.

Life After Life, by Raymond Moody.
Accounts of Near Death Experiences.

The American Book of Dying, by Richard Groves and Henriette
Klauser.
Lessons in Healing Spiritual Pain.

The Sacred Art of Dying, by Kenneth Kramer.
How World Religions Understand Death.

Home With God, by Neal Donald Walsch.

If I Should Wake Before I Die, by Lamont Satterly.
Healing words for dying people .

Facing Death and Finding Hope, by Christine Longaker.
A Guide to the Emotional and Spiritual Care of the Dying.

The Grace in Dying, by Kathleen Singh.
Very deep, more through provoking and presents transpersonal psychology approach to dying.

The Place We Call Home, by Robert Grant.
A look at the death experience through the Eyes of Edgar Cayce.

The American Book of Dying, by Richard F. Groves and Henriette Anne Klauser.

HIV/AIDS Support

Charlotte also provides spiritual support for those living with HIV/AIDS.

As an ordained Minister of Peace of the Beloved Community she brings a ministry of presence, which is centered on a caring acceptance, a nonjudgmental stance, unconditional love and physical and emotional availability. She knows first hand the wounds that organized religion can bring through judgments and seeks to bring healing to those wounds by guiding people through a journey to find that they are loved and accepted by that which is higher than we are, unconditionally and without condemnation.

About Spirituality:
Spirituality is a factor that contributes to health in many persons. The concept of spirituality is found in all cultures and societies. It is expressed in an individual's search for ultimate meaning through participation in religion and/or belief in God, a Higher Power, Allah, Creator, family, naturalism, rationalism, humanism, and the arts. All of these factors can influence how patients and health care professionals perceive health and illness and how they interact with one another!

Illness is a major life event that can cause people to question themselves, their purpose, and their meaning in life. It disrupts their careers, their family life, and their ability to enjoy themselves; three aspects of life that Freud said were essential to a healthy mind. Illness can cause people to suffer deeply. Victor Frankl noted when writing about concentration camp victims that survival itself might depend on seeking and finding meaning: Man is not destroyed by suffering; he is destroyed by suffering without meaning.

Charlotte believes that in addition to physical and psychological symptoms, people with chronic or advanced illness will suffer existential distress as well. Existential distress is probably the least understood source of suffering in patients with advanced disease, for it deals with questions regarding the meaning of life, the fear of death, and the realization that they will be separated from their loved ones. These issues take on greater importance in HIV/AIDS because of the stigma and judgment that still accompany people living with this disease.

In my own experience, I have found that people cope with their suffering by finding meaning in it. Spirituality plays a critical role, because the relationship with a transcendent being or concept can give meaning and purpose to people's lives, to their joys and to their sufferings. Quality of life instruments used in end of life care measures often include an existential domain which measures purpose, meaning in life, and capacity for self-transcendence. Three items were found to correlate with good quality of life for patients with advanced disease:

* If the patient's personal existence is meaningful
* If the patient finds fulfillment in achieving life goals
* If life to this point has been meaningful

In HIV, people often struggle with existential crises as do other people with chronic illness. However, the social stigma of the illness may affect how people view their illness, particularly for those who are religious. In a study of people with HIV, those who were spiritually active had less fear of death and less guilt about their illness. Fear of death was more likely among religious patients in this study who felt their illness was a punishment from God. Fear of death diminished among patients who had regular spiritual practices or who stated that God was central to their lives.

If you are living with HIV/AIDS please contact Charlotte to schedule a consultation for spiritual support. charmar35@gmail.com

Ministerial Services

Charlotte Bryan-Matzke as an ordained inter-faith minister, is available to perform the following ceremonies and services.

• Weddings
• Commitment Ceremonies
• Baptisms
• Communion
• Blessing to homes
• Vigils for actively dying
• Celebrations of Life (Funerals/Memorials)
• Pet Memorials – Vigils for pets who are dying or being euthanized
  Other ceremonies may be created specifically for your needs, be it for your own spiritual birthing process, for a family ceremony or any other ritual to meet your spiritual needs.
  
  

Gabrielle's Story

Once upon time, in a place very far away, and yet not so far away,

there exists an enchanted kingdom filled with swirling auras of light.

A kingdom of dreams,

A kingdom of visions,

A kingdom of things no human can ever describe.

At the edge of the kingdom there flows a river.

Ever and always the gentle waters move

in perfect motion as if the river were literally breathing life into existence.

It is on this river that one of the most beautiful creatures

born of the kingdom spends all her time.

Her name is Gabrielle.

This is she who chose long before the dawn of this age,

to be The Light Bearer.

If we watch closely, I am confident that she will show us

what it is to bear the Light.

She is pointing to something,

way on the other bank of the river.

Can you make it out?

It is very dark over there.

Looks like a dense forest of some type,

and there appears to be tiny sparklettes of light

twinkling in between the trees.

Slowly as Gabrielle approaches the shoreline,

the tiny lights begin to float, one by one, onto her hand.

She cups them tenderly, smiling with gentle sweetness and comfort,

And begins to move ever so carefully back across the river.

Swirls of color rise around her, dancing as if that were possible.

There is a grand and glorious feeling

that permeates even the very air you are breathing.

Joy, Peace, Love surrounds all.

Notice those tiny lights in Gabrielle’s hand.

They have now grown brighter and have merged together

into a brilliant multicolored flame.

The glow from the Enchanted Kingdom

has also brightened,

and the skies are filled with sounds

that only may be described as angelic.

Soon Gabrielle lifts her hand,

the flame rises and is drawn magically

to the source of the Kingdom’s magnificent light.

Over and over again we watch as Gabrielle gathers

the fire lights from the forest,

transports them gently across the river and

lets them rise to the Source of Light,

the Source of Life.

Gabrielle has been on this river for eons of time,

as we humans know it. Bearing the Light.

And so it was, day after day, hour after hour, moment after moment.
Until one instant in time while Gabrielle was closest

to the forest that she heard horrible and terrifying sounds

coming from beyond the forest.

Great wails, intense sobbing,

and yes, words of tremendous fear.

For the first time Gabrielle sensed that the human beings

who chose to live on the other side of the forest were afraid of her.

They no longer were at peace with having to shed their physical bodies, and travel with her across the river.
It was as if they had forgotten who they were,

and why they had originally come to be human in the first place.

Gabrielle was puzzled just for the tiniest of moments,

then she turned and faced the enchanted kingdom,

crying out from the depth of her heart for the Creator of All

to help her with her mission.
Immediately great beams of light shot forth,

radiating colorful prisms of light across the sky,

Over the kingdom,

Over the river,

Over Gabrielle,

Over the forest,

Then each Light Beam arched,

and descended with the lightness of a butterfly,

onto the shoulders of human beings on the other side of the forest.

These physical beings experienced a great remembrance then.

They remembered who they were

They remembered from where they came.

They remembered what they had come to earth to BE.

They remembered their place as spiritual beings on a human journey.

And from that moment on,

each wore about them a magnificent mantle of Light.

A mantle of joy,

A mantle of peace,

A mantle of unconditional love.

Soon, each one of these beings,

Approached the forest, almost as if they were standing guard,

They took the hands of the humans whose time

had come to go through the forest, leading them gently forward.

Speaking words of encouragement

Until they shed their physical bodies and

their fire lights were all that remained.

It was then, that these mantle wearers picked up those tiny lights

and carried them gingerly to the shoreline of the river,

where Gabrielle was waiting.

To take them home.

Back to Source

Back to Light.

My fellow travelers, it is with great privilege that I present to you today, My vision of Gabrielle
Whom some say is the Angel of Death.

There are ancient writings, which indicate that

the Angel Gabriel was indeed a feminine form,

and in the earliest paintings and drawing of the Angel of Death,

we find the figure is truly feminine,

full of compassion and grace.

There was no shroud of darkness around her,

There were no black hoods covering her face.

There were no scythes in her hand.

There was only love,

Only peace,

Only comfort in her care as she called spirits

home from where they had come from.
She has called from her heart,

Asking for our assistance in guiding those who are transitioning to the next life safely into her loving arms.

Will you say ‘YES’ Will you allow your spirit

to guide you to this sacred knowing.
May Spirit take the ‘yes’ that you have spoken,

And blossom that word into something exquisitely beautiful

that each of you will carry with you,

as you sit the bedside vigils of our fellow beings

as they indeed travel towards the Light.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

©2005 – 2008 Charlotte Bryan-Matzke

Vigil Training

Many people feel called to be present during the active dying hours of their friends, family members, beloved pets and loved ones. Sacred Sentinels Vigil Training makes it possible for men and women to hold sacred space with the dying, as they make the greatest transition they have ever made since they were birthed into this world as a newborn.

The purpose of the vigil is creating sacred space, so that there is a focus on sharing both physical and spiritual presence with the dying. The vigil may include praying, talking, and/or performing rituals. A Sacred Sentinel is present with a person as they make their transition from life to death creating an atmosphere of peace and love. This creates a sacred space, allowing the end-of-life transition to be an opportunity to enhance reconciliation and acceptance to the dying and their loved ones. The Vigil experience may include any or all of the following:

• Sitting together
• Talking and listening
• Sharing silence
• Reading inspirational text
• Energy Modalities such as Healing touch, Lightwork, Energy Healing
  Creating appropriate rituals

The Sacred Sentinel Vigil Program offers training in how to assist in creating a sacred space, and providing a spiritual presence to dying individuals and their loved ones. Sacred Sentinels trainees will receive information on how to communicate and put together a unique vigil experience for each individual, and learn to enhance emotional strength and clarity for those involved in the dying process.

For most individuals end-of-life rituals can create a sacred, meaningful and peaceful transition, which may include anything from a formal religious ritual to something very simple and personal.

• An altar of treasured objects with special meaning for the dying person
• Poetry and readings
• Music
• Candles

Can you come sit with me?
Can you hold my hand?
Can you smile into my eyes?
Can you touch my face?
Can you sit with me silently?
Can you sing to me?
Can you fill my room with love?
Can you be a peacemaker?
Can you listen
?Can you be totally present?
Can you stay?
Can you stand guard?
Can you watch with me this hour?
Yes?
Then come,
Be my Sacred Sentinel.

Sacred Sentinel Work

Sacred Sentinels was created by Charlotte Bryan-Matzke as her Peace Project in her role as a Minister of Peace. It is the deepest desire of her heart to see major changes take place in America’s response to the death/grief process. Charlotte believes that bringing peace to the dying and their loved ones is a precious gift that we can give to our fellow spiritual beings as they make their transition from this earthly life back to the Source of all Life.
Charlotte became acquainted with death at the tender age of 5, when she held the hand of a beautiful elder woman who lay on the street, having been ejected from her vehicle during a motor vehicle accident. Charlotte experienced a peace in that ‘spirit leaving body’ moment. It was a peace that gave her the knowledge that death was, indeed, nothing to be afraid of. As Charlotte continued her life path as a child, and young adult, she faced numerous times when she found herself walking close beside death’s presence, and each time, she learned the uniqueness of each individual’s death, and yet at the precise moment of death, there always remained present that same peaceful, sacred space.
During her years as an Emergency Medical Technician, and Paramedic, Charlotte found herself with many individuals who were facing imminent death, or who died while during transport to the hospital. She found that even in sudden death cases and in traumatic death cases, there still remained the same peace, the same sacred space around the deceased.
In 2004 her official work with Hospice began, coinciding with her journey through the Beloved Community’s Seminary, she saw the tremendous need for bringing peace to the dying process for our American Culture. In developing Vigil Training, sitting bedside with the actively dying, for her local Hospice, Charlotte saw that this knowledge, this gift, could also be presented to groups outside of hospice organizations, indeed, gifting people with the ability to bring peace to the dying and their families. Thus was born the vision of the Sacred Sentinels.
Sacred means ‘not to be violated, criticized, or tampered with’. A sentinel is a person who stands watch, protecting whatever they are guarding. A Sacred Sentinel watches over the individual bring birthed into the beyond, bringing a sense of protection and peace when they are present. They do not criticize, violate or tamper with the person’s beliefs, or their decisions on how and when their death will occur. A Sacred Sentinel watches over the bereaved, giving them a safe, nurturing place in which to share their grief, and know that their feelings are a normal part of the healing process when we experience a loss that affects us so deeply. A Sacred Sentinel truly embodies a trusting peace, unconditional love and kind words of reassurance to the dying and their loved ones.
If you would like more information about Sacred Sentinels, or would like to set up the training in your area, whether it is for your immediate family, a church group, hospice group, concerned friends, or any other organization, please feel free to contact us to set up a consultation time.

Consulations

My consultations offer you a holistic, compassionate and non-judgmental approach to bring enlightenment to areas in your life which may be holding you back from living your life to the fullest. You also may be struggling to discover who you are and why you have come to be here now in this human experience. I will help you create positive outlooks about your life and provide you with tools for you to use on your own.

Private sessions are provided to you on line through email or in person at Challice Centre in Prescott Valley, AZ.

All sessions are by appointment only.

Contact me via email to set up appointment: charmar5@cableone.net

In your email please include a phone number with area code where you can be reached during the daytime. Once I have received your email, I will call you or email you to set up your appointment time.

All appointments require a 24 hour cancellation notice. No refund will be given without this proper notification, as your time could have been used to help someone else in need.