This morning I was doing some research thought of the church that played such an important role in my life: Cameron Road Church of Christ. When I was looking for information about the church the BBB has that it began in 1968, but that cannot be right, unless they had to incorporate or get their 501C3 status because I know I was baptized in 1966 at age 11, and we had been going there ever since I was in grade school. Anyway, I sent this email to the church:
Please share this with those in leadership of the church,
I was doing some research today on other churches and what ministries they have and I thought about checking out Cameron Road Church of Christ. What a joy is was to see how God has blessed the church where I grew up in. My maiden name is Bryan. When I was a little girl I remember meeting in a school and my dad was very active in the group who were tasked with finding the right place to build a building that we could call 'home.'
This is how I remember the church
My dad was a carpenter/contractor and he helped to build Cameron Road Church of Christ. I have fond memories of going to 'work' with my dad on Saturdays, helping in any way my little hands could do. Gene Bryan, one of the founding 'fathers' of the church. Mildred Bryan, my mom who loved to sing. I can still hear her voice singing one of her favorite songs, It is Well With My Soul.
My mind is flooding with memories. Sunday school, sand boxes where the Bible stories were acted out. Flannel boards of Bible characters. I could go on and on. Dinner on the grounds, of course, complete with many hand cranked home made ice cream buckets. Peaches from the Profitt's Farm outside of Fredericksburg.
Vacation Bible school brings memories of children sitting in the sanctuary singing 'This Little Light of Mine." As I grew into a Teenager I remember the Youth Ministry and Treasure Hunts that led us back to the little house on the lot just north of the main building. The church had purchased it specifically for the Youth Group. Such happy memories of going to camp at the HEB campground on buses full of youth singing songs.
https://www.facebook.com/LaityLodgeYouthCamp/
I was immersed in the gospel of Christ three times a week and more. I loved church. Still do!
It is because of my roots in the church on Cameron Road, that I am a minister now. I was one of those children with a hundred questions for the preacher and elders or deacons. I took worship very serious, taking notes of every service. I still have some of those notes that my Mom had saved over the years. I would go home from Sunday worship, line up all my dolls and stuffed animals and would preach to them, sharing the message of the sermon of the day. My very good friend, whose family didn't go to church would come over on a lot of the Sunday afternoons and he would be among the dolls being taught the Word of God. He told me that someday I would be a great preacher. I laughed because women preachers/pastors were unheard of 60 years ago. He used to call me Rev. Charli.
Who would have thought that those precious beginnings would grow into a passion for sharing the peace of God within my heart. I became a minister specifically to work with hospice, which I did for five years. God didn't call me to actually Pastor a congregation, so I have ministered in any way I am needed, from Women's Ministry, Grief Counseling, Prayer Ministry, putting together our Newsletter, serving on our church counsel as the Treasurer. It all comes back to those days of establishing a church building on Cameron Road and learning that whatever I do, I do it as unto the Lord.
My dad would be so very happy to see how the church has grown over the years. The last time I was back in Austin we drove by the church, and what a wondrous surprise to see the addition on to the original building. God has been very good to the church and my heart is pleased.
Within the circle is the part that my dad helped to build
May God continue to pour out His blessings to everyone who is the Church on Cameron Road. May the Elders continue to vision for the future and follow God's leading. May the deacons be filled with compassion as they see to the needs of the church. May each member of CRCofC be blessed with an outpouring of the goodness of God.
Truly as I sat in the quiet listening to the birds sing outside, hearing the sweet snores of Gracie beside me and seeing Esme and Bella surrounding my chair, I begin to think about this 2017 theme which is
I thought about the last 62 years of my life and the thread of continuity that runs through the tapestry of my life is finding joy in situations that would otherwise have crushed me. I know that I am not alone in this experience, for if we area all honest we will admit that life is tough. There are a number of things which come into our lives like freight trains and somehow we have to find a way through the situation, retaining whatever we can of the parts of ourselves that were damaged.
I began a journey of exploring what I have called the pivot points of my life that could have destroyed my spirit, devastated my psyche and left me in ruins.
Physical abuse from my mother until I turned 16 and stood up to her and said, "No more."
Sexual abuse when I was 3 or 4 from a female cousin.
Sexual abuse from my mother that lasted until I was in junior high school.
Living with my mother's mental illness and abiding by her rules which meant I did not have a normal father/daughter relationship with my Dad; until he was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer, then I set my own rules and lived with her anger for the next 15 months until my Dad died.
Being in an MVA in March of 1974. I was in the front passenger seat, no seat belts were used in our 1974 Chevy Vega. A friend was driving and I had just handed Shan who was 2 at the time, to another friend in the back seat. That saved his life. All of us fell asleep and we went from the far right Eastbound lane into the Westbound lane right in front of an 18-Wheeler. He
stated in his report that he couldn't get over fast enough and we barely missed a head on collision with the truck.
We hit the culvert going into some sort of business with gray buildings, flew into the air and took a nose dive into the gravel parking lot. My injuries were:
My four front teeth were pushed up into my nasal cavity when my face hit the dash
Multiple cuts on my face from glass
A broken sternum that was fractured more on the length of it than straight across.
Glass embedded into my abdomen that literally worked itself out for many years.
A large laceration under my left arm that was so deep the periosteum could be seen, yet it missed the brachial artery and vein...miracle.
Left knee had several deep lacerations
Right leg below knee was crushed and wedged tightly under dash
A broken tailbone
A laceration to my perineum much like an episiotomy but much deeper. (Made from a stool my Dad had made for Shan, which was situated in between my legs with 6 jars of homemade jam in a box on top of it)
Being psychologically and emotionally and sexually abused by my 1st husband, I was never good enough for him, just like I was never good enough for my mother.
Having to have a hysterectomy when I was 23, because my 1st husband brought PID home to me from one of his infidelities.
Being stopped from having any relationship with my Biological Mother, by my 1st husband.
Being raped by one of the men I was serious about being with after I divorced my 1st husband for infidelity.
Being abused emotionally, psychologically and physically by my second husband.
The death of my Dad when I was only 30, he was only 64.
Living through times of cutting and bleeding myself, not going to say how because I only got the idea from a therapist I had seen who told me how another of her patients who was a nurse bled herself. I would have never taken the practice up if she hadn't of told me about it.
I know that no one will understand how watching blood takes the psychological, emotional and physical pain of abuse away, but it does.
Raising our adopted son who was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was a challenge in and of itself, and it was during a time when I was ready to give up on life because of his behaviors in school and at church (he broke a little boy's arm on purpose just to see if it would break) that I heard the phrase Joy in the Journey at a women's retreat I went to.
My Mom's death in 1998 when I was 43, and learning that she not only believed that my oldest son was my Dad's son, she told my whole adoptive family that lie and that's why I lost all of them as being my relatives for so long.
Reconnecting with my Birth Mother, only to have her die when she was 64, I was 46. I was able to be with her the last three weeks of her life, but sadly my half sister chose not to have me as part of her life going forward.
Having a stroke the summer of 2008 and not realizing it, but having to give up my full time job with hospice because I could no longer 'be present' with my patients.
Having migraines for days the summer of 2009 which caused stroke like symptoms from which I had to come back from. Having Transient Global Amnesia and short term memory loss was horrid. I taught myself to recover from the slower speech and thought processes, the left sided weakness and laying the couch for almost a year.
Having my children, who were my life and who I have apologized to numerous times for every single thing I did to hurt them or not protect them, one by one become my accuser, prosecutor and judge, finding me guilty on all accounts and being locked away from their lives for different periods of time, except for our youngest daughter.
Realizing that one of our son's is a sociopath and we never hear from him.
Realizing that my oldest son communicates with me when he wants something. He desperately wanted information about his birth father, who from his inception I believed was one boy, only to find out last year that he wasn't his birth father. The only other person it could have been was another boy, who actually was with me when I got the call from the Dr. that I was indeed pregnant. Thankfully I stayed in contact with his sister all these years and they did the DNA test and it was positive. This man has absolutely no memory of me when we were in high school together. I haven't heard a word from my son since then.
Agonizing over the fact that there is nothing I can do to have the type of relationship with my oldest daughter that I always thought we would have and could have.
Realizing there is nothing I can do to heal the hurt and pain that my youngest daughter carries from her childhood and her DNA.
Living through every Mother's Day knowing I cannot fix any of my children's lives.
Being diagnosed with Migraine Disease and trying everything in my neurologists book to make them go away.
Having right knee surgery because my knee was hurting quite bad. It hurts worse now!
Having two shots put into that knee for the pain I was still experiencing after surgery, only to have it cause peripheral neuropathy.
Getting Mannitol shots into my calf and foot which made the pain go away~ only to be told by our insurance company that they wouldn't pay for them because it wasn't something they thought should be used that way.
Being diagnosed with Hypothyroidism
Regardless of what my tests show, I still know my body is 'off'.
Gaining weight due to the hypothyroidism and not being able to walk for long enough periods of time because of the pain in my foot.
Being diagnosed with lumbar and sacral disc bulges which add to the foot and leg pain.
Being diagnosed with a cataract forming in my left eye.
Developing tinnitus and balance issues from being given Cipro for a UTI a couple of months ago. Who knew that Cipro, a Fluoroquinolone class of antibiotics, could cause tinnitus, permanent hearing loss and peripheral neuropathy. Wonderful!
Now being tested to see if I am having seizures.
Not being able to work or even volunteer for things because I never know when I am going to have a tinnitus day, which some are bad enough to keep me bed ridden.
So, there you are. Pivot Points from my life that could have just made me give up, or become bitter and angry.
Yet.....there is something that resides deep inside me. It is the ability to somehow, someway find some way to find the good in each situation. I have to, in order to survive.
This really became necessary with the MVA and going without teeth for 6 months while the tissue healed. I had to laugh at it. It became necessary when I had the stroke like symptoms which stayed on for a long time, even today I can see words but just cannot speak them. I chose to laugh and say that the words fall into the white spaces of my brain. I have my MRI from 2009 and I can see the white spaces which are not supposed to be there. If people want to finish my sentences I told them by all means do so. I chose to find the joy in situations. That was my coping mechanism when I was a little girl, and it is the coping mechanism I chose now that I am an adult.
Faced with this new diagnosis of tinnitus (ringing in the ears), and walking like a crooked little woman I found the joy in it all yesterday....
For the Ringing in my ears?
Lily Tomlin "One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy"
For the crooked way I walk?
The Nursery Rhyme , changed to female:
There was a crooked woman and she walked a crooked mile, She found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile. She bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse. And they all lived together in a little crooked house.
Do I choose to live in a world of Joy instead of allowing any of my life's tragic events drag me down into the mire? You betcha. I cannot chose to allow circumstances to take away my joy. No matter what, I choose to find the Joy in Life.
When I was looking up some information for my Uncle Bobby, I ran across this website taking about the history of North Lamar. It was interesting to see this, as my Grandpa Bryan owned the land that the honky tonk was built upon but lost it in a poker game. Grandpa Bryan owned a lot of land on that side of Lamar. I guess he lost it all playing poker. He was an alcoholic and was abusive to each of his wife's. He was a mean drunk and everyone knew to stay away when he'd been drinking. http://fryr.tripod.com/cfhistnlamar.html
The Skyline Club, a 1950s Landmark
In the 1950s, the roadway known today as North Lamar was a very loud and colorful place, at least it was on weekends. At 11306 North Lamar, where CVS Drugs is today, stood the Skyline Club. The Skyline Club opened in 1948. It was a very large and well-known landmark with room for approximately 500 people. The Skyline Club was often a crowded place: on the Wednesday or Thursday "Nickel Beer Night" the cars visiting the Skyline Club would park not only near the Skyline Club, but also on the east side of the roadway where Albertson's grocery is today. "Sometimes you could hardly get through there because of the cars" said Clyde N., a North Lamar resident from 1948.
In the late 1940's country and western music was at a peak and in 1948 the Skyline Club opened two and a half miles north of Austin's city limits, on the old Dallas Highway, a roadway lit up by nightclubs. The club was jointly owned by Warren, Gerald and Margaret Stark and was a "roadhouse" in the traditional sense. Hank Thompson said, “It was a small place. You were right there with the audience, and they’d just all gang around. It was a fun place to play from that standpoint. The ceiling was low and the stage sat only a few inches higher than the hardwood dance floor. “At that time it would only hold about two hundred, maybe two fifty at the most. We’d always have it jam- packed with people. It was a very intimate place to play.”
(www.scottymoore.net/skyline.thml)
This is the Eckerd Drugs built at Braker and North Lamar in the late 1990s (photo taken 4/27/01). This is the previous location of the Skyline Club.
This is a sketch of the Skyline Club. The Skyline Club was located where the Eckerd Drugs at Braker and North Lamar is located today.
The Skyline Club was a well-known venue for country music and provided the setting for such noteables as Hank Williams, Elvis Presley, and Johnny Horton. One of the most interesting accounts of local events of the era involves the last public performance of Hank Williams in 1952 and of Johnny Horton in 1960. See Hank and Johnny. The club had a house band and also hosted many famous acts, including Elvis Presley and the last show of Hank Williams Sr. before his death. In later years it became a venue for experimental country and punk rock music of the 1970s 1980s. After being bought and renamed as The Soap Creek Saloon Annex, it continued to entertain for a short time in early 1980s hosting acts such as Willie Nelson, Devo, and The Misfits.
Hank Williams and Johnny Horton (second and fourth in this photo) played at the Skyline Club: Hank in 1952, Johnny in 1960.
Elvis Presley (photo may have been taken at the Skyline Club in 1955).
Why reinvent the wheel when you find something worth sharing...as long as you give the person who is the writer for wisdom credit. This is such a great article about living free from relationships that are toxic and unhealthy. We all have drama queens and kings in our lives, but we can walk away without feeling guilty. So here is the article by Rhonda Findling. ~ Charlotte
The following is an excerpt from the "Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships" on-line course. If you would like to enroll in the course, click here.
If you are reading this then you are very likely someone who is trying to not call, text, e-mail or even Facebook a person that you:
-have broken up with or has broken up with you
-have determined is abusive
-are highly attracted to but they are not returning your level of interest (for whatever reason)
-have an unhealthy connection or relationship with
-is presently in your life but you're trying to not act needy with
The whole point of resisting the urge to call, text or email is to:
-Avoid the risk of getting rejected, hurt, and humiliated
-Give them a chance to feel the loss of you
-Not put yourself in a position of pursuing someone who doesn't return your level of interest
-Detach from someone you've broken up with or has broken up with you
-Detach from someone you've determined is not good for you
-Detach from someone who is abusive
-Detach from someone who is emotionally unavailable
-Not act too overly needy with someone who is currently in your life
When you contact someone you're not hearing from or trying to let go of there can be a pleasurable rush of adrenaline from the anticipation of seeing them, hearing their voice or reading their message. But this rush is just a temporary fix, which you may have to pay a tremendous price for.
Impulsivity
When you contact someone you're trying not to act needy with, it's often impulsive. Acting on impulse can make life exciting and dramatic but it can also put you at risk because you are not reflecting on whether it's a productive behavior. You're not thinking of the future and consequences. You're just acting in the moment.
So if you're thinking of making a contact, take time to reflect. Sit on your feelings. Endure your anxiety. Don't just do something because you feel like it. There could be disastrous effects if you do.
Clinging
Clinging is any behavior that demonstrates holding on, not letting go. This can be exemplified by activities ranging from a compulsive phone call, text, or e-mail when they haven't responded to any of your previous contacts. Contacting someone who is not reciprocating your interest, or has rejected you is a form of clinging.
It's human nature to have a hard time falling in love with someone who's bombarding them with phone calls, texts or e-mails. A clinging person doesn't leave someone a chance to long and yearn for them. They are so available another person doesn't have the space to fantasize about or miss them, which unfortunately is sometimes what falling in love, is all about.
When I worked for hospice there were many people who had a wonderful impact on my life. There was one woman, however, who changed my life like no other. Her name was Alma Jo Stevens.
Alma Jo first greeted me dressed like she was expecting someone very important, and week after week she greeted me with her clothing matching her shoes, her makeup impeccable and her hair always looking perfect. She was a gracious woman, and She always had something to share with me about being born in Prescott and what life was like growing up in the wild, wild west. She had memorabilia of special moments in her life on her bookshelves and we never ran out of things to talk about.
The greatest thing that she wanted to talk about was how she had learned to 'Let Go and Let God.' I saw her for a year and every time she would walk me to the door she would tell me, "Charlotte, Let Go and Let God." As time went by we would be standing at he door saying good-bye and she would take my face in her hands and look deep into my eyes and say, "Let Go and Let God,"
She had no knowledge that our youngest daughter was going through an extremely rebellious time. She didn't know that my two sons had disowned me because I set boundaries that they didn't like, causing them to 'divorce' me. She didn't know that my oldest daughter was trying to not get caught in the middle of it all. She had no idea how important the words she spoke were to me. Without her telling me every week to let go and let God I don't think that I would have made it through those dark days.
Our conversions were always fun and filled with her history. She was the first Homecoming Queen for Prescott High School. She had the newspaper article along with the corsage and her sash out for display. She had her yearbooks that we looked at. She had clippings from the rodeos and she was truly a cowgirl at heart. We never lacked for things to talk about.
When she would take my face into her hands of wisdom, and say those words of truth it truly was as if God was saying them to me, giving me perfect words for what I was going through. As the days grew into weeks, and weeks into months, we really became close. As she declined she asked if I could come later in the day after the CNA helped her get dressed. Then the day came that she sat in her chair with her pajamas on. It was hard on her to decline, but I always made a point to tell her she looked ready to receive the Queen. Then she laughed and we'd have great visit.
During her last days I visited her more often and I would always end the visit by taking her face into y hands and saying, "Remember Alma Jo, Let Go and Let God." She would tell me, "Goodbye my Little Bird." That was her way of acknowledging my Cherokee name...Little Bird. She even gave me a small little bird to keep and I still have it in my Reiki room.
Here is my memorial for her, taken from the notebook where I keep my memories of the people I have been with while working for hospice.
Yesterday evening we went to Chili's for dinner. It was a very spontaneous thing as Marty was coming home from school and I was coming home from attending the Executive Mtg for church. We met in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and then decided that we'd head to Chili's. We drove up in separate vehicles and met in the parking lot and walked into the restaurant.
The sweet girl who was the hostess opened the door for us and she said, "You guys are so cute together. Holding hands and looking at each other with love. I want that someday". We thanked her, and I told her the secret to living together now for 19 years, was to let all the small things go.
After we got home I got to thinking about our journey together for the last 19 years. we have been through SO MUCH together. From living in Winona in Marty's small apartment over a Christian Bookstore to living here in Prescott Valley, Arizona in a home that is a beautiful reflection of who we are as individuals and as a couple, we have always held hands. What does that mean?
From the moment we were first together we held hands, in public and in private. From watching TV, to sitting in a restaurant, to riding in the car, our hands just found each other without even really thinking about it. That was and is, who we are.
I think the first time the I was made aware of how significant it was, that small gesture of love between us, was during the winter, coming up the hill from Winona to Hwy 90 and the road was very icy. We were in the fast lane and the "Rochester boys" as we called them were just behind us in the slow lane. Marty, paying more attention to the guys, was headed for the pylon that began its separation of north and south lanes. All of us, at the same time, looked ahead and saw the pylon. Time seemed to slow down and Marty steered the car into the right lane and we made it home without further incident.
The thing I remember most was that we never stopped holding hands throughout the whole incident. I realized how calmly Marty handled he situation and I was not used to that at all. From that moment on I began to notice how Marty faced difficulties with a quiet calmness. It had the affect on me that I was able to relax after living with a manic/depressive man for 16 years.
Not long after the pylon incident happened we were coming home from dropping the kids off at their dads. It was snowing and the roads were icy. We went into a curve and the slow motion camera came on again as the car slowly slid off the road into the ditch. We were holding hands throughout this incident also. Marty stayed calm and simply backed out of the ditch and we went home.
Although most people think of Marty as that sarcastic joker, I've lived with him for 19 years and I've seen the "real man" when he lays aside his jokes and sarcastic remarks. He is a compassionate man who cares a lot about helping people and loves being able to adopt rescue dogs. He is kind. He is strong.
Our relationship has changed over time, like all do. We are comfortable with one another and it feels so good. One thing has not changed though.
I wrote a post for Facebook about how I do not like looking at tRump. He scares me. His face is continually looking mad. He gets red in the face when he is talking or yelling at his rally's. When I first posted about how his face is scary, Facebook took down the post saying it was very inappropriate. I write them back saying that I hadn't posted anything compared to other Facebook posts and twitter posts. I told them that they were barring me from my 2nd amendment rights of free speech. I then made a screenshot of what I had posted and re posted it. They didn't take that one down.
tRump triggers my PTSD. His red face, his finger always waving in the air, his whole persona causes my anxiety to jump up and I am on high alert. Why? Because in my gut I knew that he was a perp. After 42 years of living with verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse and sexual abuse I believe I have developed my inner most being capable to detect an abuser at first meeting. This is how I felt and still feel about him today. Low and behold, the truth came out in this last week. I believe the women. He is an abuser of women, he downgrades women's worth to just how they look and how much they let him grope them. It is sick.
I have just spent about an hour total looking for a photo that the police took on a day that is still clouded in my mind. I was married to my 2nd husband and living in Minnesota. I had gotten a job at Shopko and had risen up to Customer service. On a Sunday morning I was getting ready for work and all I remember was Greg being angry, spewing his hatred for me, for my mothering skills, for being a horrid wife, for my lack of faith, for my working on Sunday, etc., etc. etc. I remember looking down the stairs and Joe was watching. I stood in the doorway until I heard them driving away to go to church.
I remember that I was afraid for my life, so I took both guns that we had in the house. One was my dad's really old 'six-shooter' and the other was a 45 caliber automatic. I arrived at work and walked in to my cashier spot, as I had picked up a shift for one of the girls who had called in sick. My manager came up to me and asked me what had happened. I didn't know what she meant. She told me I had a black eye. Since I didn't know that I excused myself to go to the bathroom and sure enough I had a huge black eye. I went back out and continued to check people out. My standard answer for what had happened was that I was practicing softball with the kids and a ball had hit my eye. Not a good lie, but I thought it sounded good.
Time went by and the area around my eye grew in size and in darkness. I tried and tried to remember that had happened...but to no avail.
About 2 p.m. I was bagging something up for a customer and I looked up. There came a sheriff's deputy and the crew from Gold Cross Ambulance, Greg was behind them. I totally freaked out. My coworkers told me that I began to scream, "Get me away from him. Don't let him come any closer." Greg left to get in his vehicle, and the deputies helped me into the ambulance which took me to St. Mary's ER. They talked to me for a long time about pressing charges, but Greg had told them that I had done this to myself. That I had hurt myself before we had met, 20 years before. I wouldn't talk with Greg in the room. I was so confused and the more they talked, the louder the voices in my head screamed. The report came back that my left orbital bone was broken. The sheriff's deputies begged me to press charges, but I wouldn't. I was too scared.
I had brought the guns to work, they were not loaded. I wanted them out of the house because I was afraid that Greg would use one on me as he had threatened to do. So, I was 'let go.' The next day I went in to talk to my manager, the store manager and the district manger. I pleaded to get my job back. I asked them how was I to make a plan to leave him if they fired me? I explained about Domestic Violence and that I did had a plan, but I needed work. So they reinstated me. That was a huge God moment.
Time went by and I was able to get away from him and met Marty and the rest is history.. Marty taught me how marriage is supposed to be. He gave me permission to allow 'Charlotte' to arise from the ashes, much like a phoenix does. He loves me unconditionally.
Back to tRump. I believe that my gut instinct was right about him. He regards women as his play things. He wants them to 'be pretty and beautiful.' These are the only women worth his time.
He is an abuser of women.
Plain and Simple.
I see it in his eyes, in his angry face and the words that come out of his mouth.
I stand for Women's Rights on all levels. Always will. I am not afraid to tell stories from my life.
Many of you will ask me why I am smiling in the photo. I had forgotten that I even had a black eye. It had been two weeks after Greg had hit me. Jenny made me laugh and snapped the photo. She said afterward that I needed something to put up in a secret place to I could remember what happened that day.
When I look at the photo now, I see strength and a woman who was making a plan to leave, but it would take 3 more years before that happened. I see the importance of humor to balance out the injustices of life. I see the Pollyanna in the smile and in the heart. Black eye or not, I brought peace and joy to people. That he could not take from me. I see a woman who despite the abuse she was living with, she was full of Spirit and the determination that she would get herself and the younger two children out of the situation.
Dr. Cleveland, my Psychiatrist, and the ER doc said that I could not have broken my orbital bone by myself. I just can't remember, even after all these years, it's covered with a cloudy fog. That is part of the abuse cycle and being told you are nothing and God made women to be silent and not heard. I rose from the ashes as a very strong woman who refuses to let anyone take her power ever again. That is why my two sons have divorced me. I won't allow them to abuse me and accuse me of things I had no power over. I have made amends, I have apologized for keeping them so long with Greg, and not leaving sooner. I have apologized to all four of my children for the things that I did that hurt them. I have forgiven myself, that is the biggest part. I wish I knew what I know now....hindsight is always brighter. I have made my amends. If they cannot forgive me, it is their loss, not mine.
I hope and pray that tRump won't be elected. I definitely won't be watching the news anymore. Seeing him brings up the PTSD. I am sure it does for other women also.
May all women who leave their abusers know that you are worthy, you can do it, you can make it through hell intact and with skills you never knew you had.
Since this is Charlotte's Peace, I am telling a happening that was anything but peaceful. Yet, I kept my peace intact. I will never loose my inner peace. Ever!
All of you know how important the Dragonfly is to me. Here is a writing which is phenomenal in describing this beautiful being who comes to share so much with us as we face the times we
are living in.
~Blessings, Charlotte
Dragonfly Medicine a strong, positive spiritual force of the Dream-time aspect.
Dragonfly Medicine:
The Journey Home
The Highest energy and destiny of carrying Dragonfly Medicine is the Principal of Vibration.
A Southwest Native American Myth says:
The speed in which the wings of a dragonfly moved would open doorways to other realms and dimensions. Some legends say that Dragonfly was once Dragon. Dragon had scales like Dragonfly’s wings. Dragon was full of wisdom, and flew through the night bringing light with its fiery breath. The breath of Dragon brought forth the art of magic and the illusion of changing form. Then Dragon got caught in its own façade . Coyote tricked Dragon into changing form, thus the shape of its new body became like Dragonfly’s. In accepting the challenge to prove its power and magical prowess, Dragon lost its power.
The Dragonfly has wisdom for us all. Don’t give away your power.
Dragonfly Medicine represents the Dream-Time , the illusionary façade we accept as physical reality. The Illusion, and the Power of Light. Dragonfly is the power of light vibrations.
Dragonfly inhabits two realms,… Air and Water and the influence of both these elements will be felt by Dragonfly people. They will be emotional and passionate during their early years, (the influence of water), more balanced with greater mental clarity, and control as they mature, (the influence of air).
Dragonfly Medicine beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which need changing. Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, communication from the elemental world where all things vibrate.
Dragonfly’s shifting of color, energy, form, and movement explodes into the mind of the observer, bringing vague memories of a time, or place where magic reigned.
Mastery of life on the wing Power of flight, Power to escape a blow, understanding dreams, Power of light breaking down illusions. Seeing the truth in situations, as Life is never the way it appears, it is always filled with light and color, and vibration.
Dragonfly Medicine will help you to see through your illusions, thus allowing your own light to shine forth. Dragonfly brings the brightness of transformation, the wonder of a colorful new vision.
Life is color. Paint it.
Dragonfly
Breaking the illusions, on the wings of change. Brings the visions of power, in ones own dreams. No need to prove it, your spirit will move it. Now is the hour. Where Dragonfly Magic has the power! Know it, believe it, the Great Spirit intercedes, Feeding you, blessing you, Fulfilling all your needs.
Dragonfly Medicine
People with Dragonfly Medicine are dreamers. They can be perplexing and annoying to others. The dragonfly person may appear almost schizophrenic as he or she rests (or hovers), absorbing light and energy for a time, then flits off to a new project. As individuals, dragonflies have lots of nervous energy.
Intermittently, it is good for them to land and get grounded for a moment.
Dragonfly Medicine beckons,… seek out the parts of your habits which need changing. Call on Dragonfly Medicine it will guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation.
Looking through the eyes of Dragonfly may change your life!
Dragonfly is asking you to question the illusion which you call reality, particularly that part of your reality which limits your ability to grow, create, and transform your life. Dragonfly speaks of greater dimensions of reality, helping us to travel into the realms of light color, in which spiritual expression is vibration.
Dragonfly embodies a stripping away of all beliefs that say, “I cannot do this or can’t do that, or achieve a dream or goal”. It reminds us anything is possible when we understand, we are of the Great Spirit.
Dragonfly is the keeper of dreams, the knowing within that sees all of our true potential and ability. Dragonfly strips away the illusions that says, we cannot achieve our dreams and goals, that we are not worthy or capable, when in fact it is our birthright, and our true power to achieve our goals and dreams.
Isn’t reality just a reflection? Reflect something new!
This Animal Medicine power symbol is especially helpful for those who feel unable to grow spiritually, for those who feel blocked in their creativity.
Dragonfly Medicine reminds us that “ordinary” physical reality isn’t the ALL that is available to us.
Its rainbow wings remind, that we can live in a world of magic, color and Vibration. With the power of color comes the ability to work with many different vibrations to achieve anything we want to experience in life.
We begin to see how the colors we wear via our clothing, the colors that we fill our homes with, even the color of the car we drive is impacting us for better or worse. Continually wearing dull drab colors while asking for more adventures or excitement in life sends the message, I don’t really want what I’m asking for.
The colors we surround ourselves with sets up a vibration that attracts circumstances, people, and energies, that reflect back to us messages we are sending forth.
When we want change we need to affirm that we are ready and willing for the changes to occur through the use of color vibrations matching the energy we are seeking to experience. When one wants to become better recognized for the work one loves doing, then wearing shades of red or violet will help one achieve that.
For new beginnings try wearing shades of green. Feel more empowered wearing shades of yellow. To feel more deeply connected with the Universe and to develop greater intuitive ability, all shades of blues and indigo are excellent!
Color is vibration, a very valuable tool in expressing who we are, who we desire to be, and what we desire to experience in our lives.
Looking at the world around, one sees. All of nature sets forth its intent and requests through the use of a vast range of color vibrations. A flower will attract a pollinator through its color. A Tree Frog may warn predators that it is not good to eat through the colors it displays on its body. A Lion can attract a mate through the color of his mane.
Working with Dragonfly Medicine teaches us how to use color to attract that which we desire or at least, to understand what messages we, ourselves are putting forth through the color vibrations we project. There are Beautiful Colors of the Rainbow in the Dragonfly wings.
People who carry Dragonfly Medicine are often quite talented in the use of Color for healing. They see or sense the colors that an individual carries in their aura. Learning how to help the person adjust the color rays so that one becomes a part of their own healing process, rather than relying on someone else to do the healing for them.
The Dragonfly Medicine person can help one learn to work with drawing in all the colors of the Universe, both seen and unseen, to repair and invigorate the aura. This is done through Vibration.
Dragonfly people are very talented in helping others navigate their own emotional waters. How often have you heard someone say they “felt Blue” or “tickled Pink”? Our emotions have colors just the same as our world, it is filled with color. Yep, and so are we.
In our culture uncontrolled emotions are not “nice”, people are not encouraged to feel the wide range of emotions we have been blessed with, so often this energy gets trapped or stuffed down, especially in the lower chakras. Working with Dragonfly energy, calling it into the lower chakras, (where much of this energy is trapped), can help stir this energy up, thus get it moving again.
Change your Color to something Vibrant
If Dragonfly Medicine has shown up in your life, you may need some fresh air regarding something emotional. One may need to gain a new perspective to make a vibratory change.
Are you neglecting your emotions? Are you being too rational about everything? Are you not keeping the color of your emotions alive?
It need not be as painful as one might fear, it is always less painful than having that energy constantly attracting more and more of the same negative energy through vibration!
To work with this, and you don’t know a Dragonfly person to help you through the process, simply call on the energy of Dragonfly Medicine through your mind, thinking about it is enough. Next, visualize Dragonfly moving through your lower chakras, infusing them with clear, brilliant colors, the loveliest you can imagine. Feel the vibration of each color.
When you start to feel emotional, stick with the process! Usually, it does not take very long for this energy to clear, feeling those emotions helps to let them go!
Cry, yell, stomp your feet, do what ever it takes to get that energy up and out. Bear in mind that you have a powerful ally working within you, helping support you during this process.
Quit hanging around. Color your life.
Contrary Dragonfly Medicine
Are you trying to prove to yourself, or someone else, that you have power? Are you caught in an illusion that weakens your true feelings, or minimizes your abilities?
If so, you may have contracted with “Dragonfly dive-bombing.” Is this the final “crash and burn” for some pipe-dream that had no real purpose?
Look within, feel the sense of self energy within. Notice if it is ebbing or tiding, find the point in time where you were deluded into believing that you would be happier if you changed, because someone else wanted you to.
Misery is a prime clue that you lost your will and personal validity when you bought into someones vibration of who, or what you should be. The illusion was that you would be happier if you did it their way.
In forfeiting what you know is right and true for you personally, you give away your power. It’s time for you to take it back!
Follow Dragonfly Medicine to the place inside where magic is still alive, and drink deeply of its power. This strength belongs to you. It is the power of becoming the illusion.
Each Bubble is a Reality all it’s own. Consciousness is the one blowing the bubbles
This ability is ever-changing, and contains within it the knowledge that you are creating it all.
Part of Dragonfly’s Contrary Medicine, is its ability to play among the air currents and to dazzle others with light. However, its gift also carries an implicit warning… as a Master of illusion, those with Dragonfly Medicine should be warned not to fool themselves.
See how to apply the art of illusion to your present question or situation, remember that things are never completely as they seem. Dragonfly teaches us how to balance emotion with mental clarity and control.
Dragonfly Medicine works in a two-year cycle, so if Dragonfly has come into your life, you can expect change within this time period.
Dragonfly people need to honor their health by spending time outdoors in the sunlight near streams or lakes. Teaching us to use water to see through our own illusions and travel to other dimensions. Water has the magic to transverse awarenessLinked to elemental spirits, Dragonfly speaks of Otherworlds, other dimensions, and those that inhabit them. This animal-teacher encourages the creativity of our own imagination, a powerful tool in letting our gifts shimmer in the light of a new day.
Hers is the Dragonfly Medicine of the Dream Lodge; it tempts you to go beyond mundane or superficial appearances into the explosive colors of your own mind. She urges to explore other possibilities, always with the promise of enlightenment. Encouraging you to shed negative attitudes or old habits, she nudges you to emerge from your cocoon and dance among the early dawn mists of the still pools of creation.
As Dragonfly dances on the wind or skims the water’s surface she demonstrates changes, the shattering of illusions. Through willingness to see from various perspectives, changing colors as the situation calls for it. Let your own creativity dictate how far you can go. Thus painting your world any color you prefer.
In the world of your dreams the possibilities, the colors, the vibrations are endless.
I remember like it was just yesterday. The peaceful marches we saw on our old black and white TV's. I remember thinking, when I grow up I will work to make this world better for I do not see color, I have always just seen people as that, PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS. I remember the sit-ins we used to have at the University of Texas, our arms interlocked as we sang songs of peace. We were young enough to believe we could make a change and eradicate racism. We were so young and naïve. Yet all my life wherever I have been planted my heart still cries out Please, Give peace A Chance.
Every act of racism that we are shown on the news breaks my heart. I am a Minister of Peace for a reason. I chose the seminary because it was based on St. Francis, who in my experience brought a huge message of PEACE. I have chosen to BE the PEACE I want to see in the world.
Is that enough? For someone of my age, who has lived through this so many times, I do believe that it is. I pray and I trust that the good will somehow shine forth in the darkness that has shrouded our country. We are all wearing one or more shrouds of anger, hate, frustration, depression and shock and deep soul aching grief.
.
How do we turn those shrouds into joyous dancing cloths that we can wave together making a tremendous colorful vibration of mutual spirits binding peace to covers our nation, and yes, our planet. America is not the only place that is walking through this horrendous racism and prejudice, ignorance and apathy.
We need to stop ALL of the violence. We need to wake up and see that racism and prejudice are EVERYWHERE. It has NOT changed since the 60's. People have just turned a blind eye all these years, until a moment in time when cell phones caught the incidents that will forever be embedded in our hearts. We need to stop the Hate, for hate only gives birth to more hate.
We might not have a Martin Lutheran King, Jr. to raise the awareness, we have hundreds of people who will use their phones to videotape the scenes of brutality and none of us need to be told that the police are reviewing the tape to see if there was any reason for such use of force. We all have eyes and ears to see for ourselves what happened.
Lady Justice needs to take her blindfold off so she can see what is happening and judge righteously no matter who has murdered who. We all need to look in our own communities with eyes wide open, without blame or hatred, and begin to work toward a more peaceful union. For we are all human being, regardless of the color of our skin, the religion we choose to worship in, or the differences of our lifestyles. It's time to join hands with one another, laying down the weapons of warfare and picking up the flag of peace.
