Happy Birthday to ME

So, today is my extra special Life birthday because it occurs on 1/11/11. Yep. January 11, 2011. Plus this is the year I turn 56, which 5 plus 6 equals 11. So I am anticipating some awesome things to happen this year. I took this photo at 1:11 pm (I already saw 1:11 am) when we were headed down to Phoenix to see our daughter Sarah and go out to the movies and dinner.

I am ready for whatever this year brings.....Universe? Bring it on!

And So the Story Begins

So, 56 years ago today at 2:05 p.m., in a small hospital in Georgetown, Texas, I was born. But there is a wee bit more to the story than that, of course.

The woman giving birth to me was my birth mother, Rachel Teague. She was a young woman, single with one son already, and she could not afford to take care of me. She told me that my birth father's name was William "Red" Lawson, who was in the military at the time, either stationed at Bergstrom Air Force Base or Camp Mabry. She never told me which one. At any rate, he left Austin without even knowing of my existence.

I must digress here and say that there is still a little more to the story, and as my husband likes to believe, I just may well be kin to Elvis Presley. You see, there was a time when Elvis was in Austin, Texas, traveling in his pink Cadillac. Rachel and a friend of hers went on a double date with Elvis and a friend of his. They had quite the time dancing in Austin and various honky tonks, and driving around the Austin area with the top down enjoying the atmosphere of the 1954 era. I will let you be the judge as to weather Elvis plus Rachel could equal Charlotte!

 I did find another interesting photo of Elvis when he was a baby himself, along with his parents and a baby girl who looks suspiciously like me when I turned one year old. I do believe Mr. Presley's ears have been passed on to the young girl. Hmmmm....very interesting.

Sticking to the facts of my birth, via Rachel, and the information that my birth father's nickname was 'Red' (and 100% Irish), and seeing as I was born with a little tuft of red hair meself, I do believe that I am the DNA product of Rachel and Red.
Since Red was no where to be found, and since her parents were the very strict religious type, her father being an Assembly of God preacher in Austin, she decided it best to give me up for adoption. She found Hunter and Clarine Degress through a mutual friend in the Sheriff's office, who knew that they had helped another girl 'in trouble' and found a home for her baby. Hunter and Clarine knew that my adoptive parents had been wanting a baby for the past 14 years. Hunter had been my Dad's best friend from his childhood days up until Dad died in 1984. So, they set it all up that Rachel would be taken care of, all expenses paid, and when I was born, I would go home with a new set of parents.

Waiting in the hospital to take me home were my new parents: Robert Eugene Bryan and Mildred Lucille Pearson Bryan. My birth grandmother Susie Teague Mooney was there also and she held me before I was taken home by the Bryan's. That incident angered my Mom very much because she had specific instructions that Rachel nor any of her family were to see me or hold me after I was born. One she found out that Nanny (my birth grandmother) had held me, she did everything in her power to get them to release me to go home, and after speaking with my pediatrician, Dr. Clifford Thorne, I was released to go home...at 8 hours old.

I have some old movie footage of Mom and Dad coming out of the little hospital in Georgetown, along with Clarine and Hunter, coming down the steps of what looks more like a house than a hospital. I did forget to mention that Mom did not want me born in Austin, so that the birth announcement would not come out in the paper. Hence, being born in Georgetown, which back then was very far from Austin.

I arrived home to 5102 Woodview, Austin, Texas...ready to be loved by my new family.

This is the Year of Music

For quite a few years now I begin the New Year by finding it's name. This year began it's dawn as beautiful music woke me from my sleep. Over the next few days my world seemed to be filled with song, and I felt compelled to sort through all the CD's we have, and of course, putting them in alphabetical order! I even went through the songs I have on my computer and put them in order. (Aha..there's one lesson...music has order to it.) My heart soared as I decided that this would indeed be the Year of Music. From time to time I will be posting songs which have surfaced, wanting to be heard..to make the list so to speak, of the music that will guide me through this year. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I will.

Cat Stevens - Morning has broken

Morning has broken on this New Year of 2011

"I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel

I was happily getting ready for my daughter Sarah to get off work down in Phoenix and drive up to spend New Years Eve with me. I tried to get her to stay down in the valley and go out with her friends, yet she continued to say she just wanted to be here with her Mom. So I had made the snacks we usually ate when she used to live at home. All her favorites: Stew with Monkey Bread, Shrimp cocktail, chips and Velveeta cheese sauce, and hot spiced apple cider.



I was just about to put the bread in the oven when my phone rang. It was a message from Sarah, which I thought would be telling me she was on her way up the mountain. Instead the words "Mom, Ashley, Carlos sister just died. She got in a car accident." I instantly remembered that here I was in this intense grief journey myself, and now this. My precious daughter just lost one of her best friends. No details yet, but by the time she drove up the mountain I had found the news report from Maryland. One vehicle involved, no names released, but there were two young men who were flown to trauma centers.

Sarah came through the door, dropped her bags and we hugged. She cried. I cried. More loss.


We spent the evening laying on the couch, barely watching the movie we picked out...each lost in our own thoughts, yet being there for each other. I asked Sarah to tell me about Ashley...bringing out her happy memories of the two of them together. We laughed some. We cried some. All this loss.

We awoke at 12:10 with some beautiful music playing at the end of the movie we ere watching...we had slept through the New Year's arrival. We said, 'Happy New Year' and Sarah fell back asleep. I watched her sleeping for another hour, making sure she was sleeping soundly, my beautiful daughter...then I quietly added another log to the wood stove and went to bed.

Thinking about all the loss...all the loss.....and thanking God for strength, courage and peace that we would both need during these next weeks as we grieve.

Welcoming in 2011

As the last days of 2010 trickled by I experienced intense grief over so many losses this year. It was an interesting feeling, to allow myself to be enveloped in sadness and to be comfortable with wearing this garment of grief.

I found it interesting that as I prepare to lead the new grief group forming at church, that I would be entering this sacred ground to look at all the loss in my own life. It wasn't pretty. I cried. I held a few sorrow events in my honor. Mostly I just allowed the grief process to take it's own course, and I followed.

It seemed everywhere I turned, grief was there. I heard the song 'I Grieve' on the TV one night, and found it on You Tube afterwards and with soul wrenching cries, I let a lot of the held in emotions to breakthrough to the Light. It was there, as the light shone on these painful memories, lost relationships, loss of mind function, loss of job, loss of health, loss of the only person in Marty's family who loved me unconditionally from the first time I let her, and loss of Marty's Gram, who came to love the hugs I gave her when we would go visit. There was just so much loss, so many tears, so much pain held deep within my soul.

I also noticed that those with whom I shared this intense grief with were not very comfortable at all. They were used to seeing me smiling, happy, full of Light and Peace and Encouraging words for everyone. They did everything they could to cheer me up, to lighten the load, to make sure I had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I did finally pretend, for their sake, that I was just fine (and I was, even in the depths of grief), and Christmas was wonderful and we were anticipating having a Happy New Year.

Yet, underneath it all. I grieve. And all is well with my soul...just as it is.

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I am Peace

It has been ages since I wrote last. As I sit here thinking about the reasons why, my mind wanders through all that has occurred in the past months, so much that it seems like a tornado has run its course through my brain, leaving in its wake bits and pieces that I must sort through, picking up what is important to keep, and throwing away the rest of it. 

Sometimes in our lives we enter a place of silence. A place where no matter what is going on in the world we see and experience in these bodies that our spirit inhabits, we are at a still point in the dance of life. Things happen around us and we remain still, observing the occurrences with eyes of peace, allowing everything to fall in its place, without us having to do anything. 

This still point is where I have resided these past months. No journaling has occurred. No need to record the events that continue to shape my life here on earth. I have been in a place where nothing on the outside truly matters, only that which is transpiring within my mind, within my soul, within my true self is important. Everything else has just fallen away to a place I no longer inhabit. In this process of being at the still point, I look around and see all the people who are in my life at this precise moment in time, and I have realized that my 'story' is indeed a tool which can be used to encourage others to also strive for peace and contentment, joy and gratitude for all that happens to them in the journey of their lives. 

So, my last words in this blog, where I spoke about 'story', have now come out into the Light, and I find that there is indeed a place for my 'story' to be shared. As I approach the end of another year, and the beginning of a new one, I am making space for my 'story' to unfold in the new year. As I write those words, fear rises up within me...can I really tell my story here for others to read? I feel pretty safe in that my blog does not have many followers and those who do happen to find themselves reading these pages...I will trust that Creator has brought them to these words for a purpose. 

If you have happened upon these pages, know that you have been drawn here by Spirit for a reason...it is up to you find out why. I watched the movie 'The Last Airbender' this week and gleaned a few words of wisdom from it. We each have come here for a reason...it is up to you to find out why. As I watched the movie, I began thinking about a time 20 years ago when a friend of mine asked me the question, "Do you think that you are special? That God gives you messages, and only speaks to you?" I tried to explain that it was (and still is) my belief that we are each special, unique and all have the ability to hear from God (no matter what name he/she is known by).

This answer did not go over very well with my friend, as she was trying to point out that I had delusions of grandeur in thinking that God could really speak to me. Back then, the words she used to make me see that I was wrong and delusional did serve to cause doubt to arise within my mind and I felt thoroughly chastised. 

Well, here it is 20 years later, and I am more convinced that we are all SPECIAL and we are all connected, not just to God, but we are connected by Spirit to one another.

Namaste '~The divine in me sees the divine in you. 

This is the highest form of acceptance and true love flowing between two people...to really 'See' them as the gift of who they are to the world. I will shout it to the mountains, to the streams, to the oceans, to the fields: YES, I DO BELIEVE I AM SPECIAL. YOU ARE SPECIAL. ALL OF US ARE SPECIAL. We each have a unique gift to share with the world, and it is up to us to find that gift of who we are and be bold enough to Be who we truly are. I am PEACE. Who are you?

The Synchronicity of Life

It has been a funny couple of days. Now, I can look at it and laugh, realizing that truly all things are in Divine Order.

Synchronicities are those times when things happen which we think have no significant meaning, yet they do. They are the times in which the divine touches our lives with direction and guidance.

For three days now I have been trying to post my paintings on deviantart.com with no success. I have to upload one at a time, and go through a huge process, taking much more time than I want to invest in putting them online so that my friends at Women Who Run With Wolves can view them. Especially since most of them are already on my Facebook site. But, some of the women don't have Facebook accounts, so I decided that I would open up another Ning account, only to find out that Ning will be charging for accounts beginning July 20. So, no Ning account. I am too cheap to pay for such things!

So, I ended up doing what I originally thought of and put all my paintings onto my Facebook site, and that is that. In the process what was the lesson? To just trust in my instincts to begin with. A very valuable lesson especially for women, for we have been given such a powerful instinctual nature, and we do need to learn to move through our lives listening to that still small voice inside guiding and directing us for our highest good.

Right now I am sitting in he office, surrounded by our dogs, listening to the sound of a jack hammer as Marty takes off all the old mortar in the main bath so that we can lay new tile. As I listen to the sound of all that old stuff being chiseled away, I am thinking that it is a very good image of all the old stuff that we as humans, carry around with us every day. Old memories, Old ways of thinking, Old ways of reacting, Old patterns, Old junk. It seems the older we get, the more like mortar those unneeded aspects become, until it truly takes a spiritual jack hammer to remove it all. So on a day when I am just simply 'being' I am faced with the mortar of my life, left stuck to me after having the outward masks I used to wear removed.
The mortar has to come off also...even if it hurts and is scary, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. It has to come off so that I will be free to really 'BE' who I came here to be.

So, I lay here in the office and visualize the breaking away of the old...
and think about the synchronistic way that God works to get us right where we need to be...to we can grow and see ourselves as the Light and Love we truly are.

SO, my question for you today is "What synchronicities are happening in your life, guiding you to truth, peace, love and joy?"

This Life

There are quite a few of my friends who over the years have suggested to me that I write a book about my life and the amazing journey it has taken me on throughout the 55.5 years I have spent here in this present life. I will admit there have been times I have thought such an endeavor might be a possibility. I have been keeping journals since I was very young, all of which are in tubs, stored in our garage.

Yet, as I have come to realize of late, none of my 'story' really matters. At least not to anyone except myself. The reason for this being...it is my story, and story is not important. What lies in the past is truly past. Gone, like dust in the wind...chaff blown away from the grain...it does not exist anymore. The only thing that exists is who I am, this soul here for the time being, housed in a physical body, and the understanding that I have come here, I believe, to learn who I really am, to see the connectedness I have with the One, and with everything that exists. I am here to BE. That is all that matters.

The 'story' of my life is a series of events designed to allow an experience to unfold as I step into it, walk through it, and look back upon it having grown in knowledge and understanding. It was all created so that one day there would be this awakening within me to know the One and to know that I am One with the One. To know that all which exists is only the Beloved.

I do not look back upon any of the happenings of this life with regret or with any sense of having failed, for my responses to situations, my ability to learn the lesson, or just feel the feelings, were just what they were in that moment. I came here to learn, to grow, to let go of all that does not serve my highest good. I came here to experience everything that could be experienced in a human life. And when all is said and done, someday I will leave this body and return to my natural form of Spirit/Energy, where the veil is lifted and all wisdom is complete.

The journey has taken me through the study of many religions, and yet there has never been a time where I was really comfortable in following just one way. Like many rivers headed to the ocean are the religions of the world headed toward the Ground of Being, that which is higher than we, that which is so vast and without end that it cannot be named or put into a box. I have traveled quite a few of those rivers, and finally came to a place where I am most comfortable in the space of allowing that Spirit to be in me, all around me and flowing out of me. I see the connectedness of everything and everyone.

So, shall I let you in on one secret? I see and feel the divine in and around everything. No matter where I go, there is Divinity all around. The sky, the earth, the north, the south, the east, the west and all the guides, ascended ones, angels, archangels and divinities are there communicating with me as I need it. The plants, trees, rocks and waters emit the voice of the Beloved. Animals, birds, fish all have wisdom to share but for the asking. Voices from beyond the veil come as loved ones who have already made their transition from this life back to Source.

In dream states, in waking dreams answers come to questions I haven't even formed yet.

Ahhh, this is my life here. Surrounded by this Love, this Peace, this knowing that all is exectly as it needs to be for the experience, the journey. To experience everything in it's fullest in every moment, without judgments, without being attached to any outcomes...that is my heaven here. This is bliss. TO BE free to BE ME.

So, this life continues...getting more and more exciting and glory filled as the moments come and go.

This Spring our Wisteria Vine, which provides much needed shade for our back porch, actually bloomed. It was so exciting!

The Iris which Susan W. gave me also bloomed, which ws surprising after they had sat in a tub for a few weeks (the weeks we went back to MN for Gram's and Aunt Velda's Memorials).

When I was a little girl gowing up in the Hill Country of Austin, Texas these flowers grew wild. We called them Indian Blankets, and they reminded me of my Great-Great Grandmother who was full blood Cherokee.

The Clematis has grown through the fence on the south side of the house.

The Bottle Tree

Here is the bottle tree, with English Ivy, Butterfly Bush, Day Lillies, Columbine, and Hollyhocks around it.

Here is our trumpet vine, buttercups, salvia

I love gardening!

My home

Well...Spring is quickly coming to a close here in the High Desert of Arizona. We have had a rather cool Spring, with the night temps down in the 30's and 40's, daytime highs in the 70's and 80's. Wish it could stay this way up until the Monsoons...which is really just the rainy season here.

The birds are chirping all day long now...our tile roof is a virtual birdhouse to lots and lots of sparrows and finches. There are doves, bluebirds (a huge one was on our back porch yesterday, close enough for me to see his beautiful coloring...and a sign that Aunt Velda is watching over us from the eternal side of life), and even a parakeet has been hanging around. They love the grapevine, and are keeping an ever watchful eye for the grapes to appear. Ebony (our Chowolf) thinks it is her job to run down the stairs and under the gazebo as fast as she can to let the birds know that she is in charge and that they must leave when she is in residence. It is very funny.

The backyard is blooming beautifully with all the plants from last year, plus a few new ones. It is such a peaceful place to have one's coffee in the morning, or an iced tea in the afternoon. Our oasis in the desert.

Many of you have asked how we an stand the heat of Arizona, and I will once again explain that we live at about 5500 ft above sea level. All around us we see mountains. Mingus Mountain to the East, Granite Mountain to the West, the Bradshaws to the South, and way in the distance to the North we have the San Francisco Peaks (which are up Flagstaff way). We are 15 minutes away from being in the tall pine forests which surround Prescott. The temps are about 10 to 15 degrees cooler than Phoenix. It is very dry here, and we do have to water a lot to keep plants outside happy, but it is nothing like the horrendous heat of the Valley.

I am posting some photos of our yard, which has only now really greened up and by the end of summer into the fall, will transform itself once again into a serene and peaceful contemplative place. It is a place where one can see all the stars twinkling in the night sky, a place for ceremony, drumming and dancing. It is a place blessed with angels, spirit guides and visits from the ancestors.

May the summer days bring many blessings to all, and as we travel this spiritual journey together, may our connectedness bring health and wholeness to us all.