This past week I noticed that the doves who usually make their nest each spring in one of our hanging baskets on the back porch had given up hope that the baskets would ever be back out there, so they made their nest in the crook of the bottle tree.
Now those of you who have seen the tree know that it does not provide prime nesting conditions. There are no leaves to shade it from the sun. There is nothing overhead to keep out the various weather conditions that will occur during the nesting season. Plus, any predator birds flying overhead have a full view of the eggs if one of the parents is not sitting on the nest.
Today as it snowed, rained, and sleeted...there was Momma and Poppa Dove sitting on the nest, protecting the eggs as good parents do. And as I watched them through this day, I felt sorry for them and tried to put a couple of boards over the nest for a little protection, yet it really was more my attempt to feel better, for truly there is no way to protect the nest now that it has been built where it is.
It is really a sad situation, and I found myself saying, "You poor things, you did the best you knew to do, with the information you had at the time, not realizing what was up ahead and the perils that awaited you and your babies."
Then I remembered how many times I have said that to myself as a parent (or Marty has said that to me), or I have reminded my friends using those words, or counseled someone going through a rough parenting time, and even used those words with people who were facing their own death as they tried to figure out how they could have been better parents.
For those of us who are parents it is a no brainer to say that we could have all done things better looking back. Hindsight is really good at pointing out how much better we could have raised our children.
Yet the real heart lesson is not how much we could have done better, because those thoughts only lead to misplaced guilt and not forgiving ourselves for, after all, being human and NOT having all the answers.
Honestly, none of us have the answers. When we have children there is no user’s manual that comes with the baby when he/she is born telling us exactly what the child will need to be raised perfectly. No, we as parents do the best that we can with the knowledge we have at the time, and we make lots and lots of mistakes along the way.
Just like our little doves, we don't always make the nest in the right place.
We don't always protect our children from the things that can hurt them.
We don't always say the right things.
We don't always do the right things.
We love our children, there is no doubt about that...yet they don't always feel it, or see it.
We read books, we go to counselors, and we pray for help yet sometimes those things don't seem to help.
Yet we try. We do the best we can, with the tools and knowledge we have...and we must remind ourselves of something very important.
None of us is perfect. Our parents were not perfect. Our grandparents were not perfect. We as parents are not perfect. And last but not least, our children are not perfect either. We are all simple human beings on a journey through life doing the best we can. Let the judgments go.
We love each other, we forgive each other. We let the judgments go. Those are the key ingredients to being a parent, and being a child. Love and Forgiveness. The dance of Parent/Child. As old as time itself...
May is about here...Mother's Day.
June follows behind...Father's Day.
When was the last time you told your children how much you love them? Have you forgiven them for not being perfect? Have you forgiven yourself for not being a perfect child?
When was the last time you told your parents that you love them? Have you forgiven them for not being perfect? Have you forgiven yourself for not being a perfect parent?
We, like the dove, who represents Peace, do the best we can, and in the end, what really matters is that we open our hearts and love, forgive and dance together without judgments.
Enjoy the dance...
