My Wings

I want to set the record straight once and for all. Everywhere I look now people, male and female are wearing shirts and tops with angels wings on them. So, I feel the need to express that my wings are not part of this recent fashion fad. My wings were tattooed on at the end of 2006, into February 2007 That is way long before the wings wannabes came into existence!

Every year when the weather warms up and  I am wearing sundresses and tops which will reveal wings, I get many comments. Most are compliments on how nice they look, some wan to know the meaning behind them, and others want to know how much it hurt.

This year I thought I would try to explain their meaning to me, and to let the world know that 'YES IT HURT".


My last post told some of my encounters with angels in my lifetime. There were songs that meant a lot during my two abusive marriages that spoke of wings, broken wings. That was exactly where I was at the time. My wings were tattered and torn. I could not fly. 
Psalm 55:6 "I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest--"
Broken Wings by Martina McBride

 Broken Wings by Mr. Mister

 In 1997 my wings began to be repaired. Little by little they have mended, through much unconditional love from my awesome Marty. And through many nights of painting angels in the cold storage room in our basement in Owatonna. Yet the total healing happened when I began Seminary in 2004, I spent the first year going deeper and deeper into my relationship with God, Creator, Universal Life Force, my Higher Self and with my angels and spirit guides (Hawk and other birds as my name was "Little Bird'")

 I experienced a life changing and life affirming moment on a trail that led to a waterfall at a camp we seminarians were staying at for retreat. The woman who was with me was Meridith, and we were walking by ourselves along this path. I will never forget the words she spoke that day, words which I just ponder within my heart, much as Mary pondered in her heart the things that Jesus did. They are private words which confirmed to me my life's purpose and who I am. There were others in my life, through my hospice work, who also, in the hours while they were making there way through the veil of this world, spoke to me in coherent words affirming my place and purpose here.

When I began my hospice journey, I wrote a journal entry for each patient I was with, and I would write something about them and what they had taught me while we spent time together. It was very meaningful to me, and it was also part of my Seminary work each month, to provide the writings as a way of 'homework' showing where I was at in the process of becoming ordained and ready to serve as a Minister of Peace in this world.

In 2006 I began to paint more angels, to feel their presence around the bed of a dying loved one, to know that they were always present in on form or another to minister to our needs. So I thought it appropriate to get some wings tattooed on my back, as a reminder of my work with hospice, and also I felt that my broken wings were now totally healed and I wanted to Know that the total healing had occurred.

I began to sketch some wings out, yet the smaller ones just didn't seem right. I kept getting them larger and larger, until they were the whole length of my back.  I went to get my hair done and my hairdresser had just gotten a beautifully colored tattoo that I really liked, and found out that Kenny from Hold Fast in Prescott had done hers. She said he had a wonderful reputation, so I set up a time to meet with him. I showed him the photo of Gabrielle (my angel painting with the pick wings), and told him I only wanted shades of pink, no black on the tattoo. He caught the vision for what I wanted and we began in September. The First session took 3 hours and he completed the whole outline.

Alana (a wonderful friend full of light and energy) was with me, as was Marty. To say that it hurt is an understatement. I only got through it with prayer, with Alana holding my hand and encouraging me through it, and with Marty whispering in my ear that it was beautiful and I was a strong woman who could do this.

I went every three weeks from Sept. to February for 2 to 3 hours for all the shading in.I would bring the book of memories of my patients, and either Marty or Susan Wedl (my dearest friend) would read to me from the book, and I would dedicate a feather to that patient. My thoughts are still that I earned these wings...I made it through two abusive marriages, and much judgement from three of my children. I am not just been a survivor of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse...I am an over comer and I have my wings totally healed and I can fly!

So, to me my wings represent my being healed of the past. They represent who I am, and the journey that it took to get me here.

Angels in My Life

Uriel

I have had several occasions when angels have crossed my path in this journey of life. When I was in my late 20's I began to do some research into angels, and read a lot of books about people's experience with them. Once I even asked my guardian angel to show him/her self to me, only to wake up that night with the brightest light you can imagine shining from under the bedroom door. Every hair on my body seemed to stand on  end, and I was so frightened by this majestic event that I pulled the covers over my head and said, "That's OK, I don't need to see you." I thought this must be much like the shepherds felt when the angel appeared to them announcing the birth of Christ.

Later on that year I had another encounter, on the way back from a trip to West Texas to visit a friend. I was in my trusty green Dodge Rambler, which had hardly any braking power and I had to add oil to it every time I stopped for gas...but I loved that car! Anyway, it was nighttime when I made it just outside of Brady, Texas, making my way home to Bertram. I saw in the distance some taillights, and as I got closer, I saw that the car was stopped and a man was standing in the middle of the road. When I was close enough to see the guy staggering in the middle of the highway, I had to stop because I thought I would hit him if I went further. I could hear the guys in the car yelling at the guy outside, and all of a sudden the car just took off, leaving this guy behind. He finally noticed that there was another car there...mine, and he walked up to my window, which I only rolled down about an inch or so. He was drunk as could be, and laughing because his friends had kicked him out of the car and told him to walk home.

I didn't know what to do in the situation, but I knew I just couldn't leave this guy out in the middle of nowhere, so I pulled the car over. As I did, the guy staggered over into the ditch and fell down. I got out of my car, went to the ditch and he tried to stand up by pulling himself up on a barbed wire fence, cutting his hands in the process. I tried to get him to get into my car, so I could take him to the next city...find either the police station or hospital and drop him off. He was stumbling around so much that it was hard for me to support his weight in the ditch. I had almost gotten him even with the car when all of a sudden he pulled away from me, stood up tall,with intensity and darkness said to me, "Do you know who you are dealing with?" My response to him was immediate and without thought, "Yes, but do you know who lives in me?" and with that he fell down into a heap in the ditch.

I was very much in kind of a shock state, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I had come face to face with darkness, and I wasn't afraid. (This has been a challenge in my lifetime to not live in fear), and I had stood in the power of the Christ who lives in me, and not been afraid. About this time I noticed some car lights coming towards me and soon a Chevy truck pulled up. There were three of the largest men I have ever seen sitting in that truck. The driver rolled down his window and asked me if I was OK. I told him the story of what had happened and he said..in these exact words: "It is all right Charlotte, you can go home now." I didn't really catch that he had called me by name until I asked him, "Are you going to take him back to town?" He just smiled at me and again said, "It is all right Charlotte, you can go home now." It was then that it registered with me that he had called me by my name, and I hadn't ever said my name. I looked very carefully at all three men sitting in the front seat of that truck, and I can still see them in my mind's eye to this day. They had this powerful majestic look, yet being in their presence I felt nothing but total peace.

I back stepped in kind of a dazed, shocked way, got in my car to drove to the next town. I was just about to Brady when I saw a police car, with it's lights on going in the opposite direction, and I thought that someone must have reported the guy, but just to make sure, I found the police station and went inside. There were three officers there, and I told them that there was a guy about 5 miles from town in a ditch very drunk. The woman officer said, "Oh, your husband was just in here and reported it, we sent an officer to get him." I explained that it couldn't have been my husband since he was home asleep with my kids. She then described my husband and even said his first name. She insisted that he had been there, reported the drunk guy, and left in a blue station wagon. OK, so by this time I am totally in shock. I don't know what just happened but I got in my car and drove home as fast as I could.

Gabrielle

My next encounter with an angel which I recognized as an angel was when I lived in Dover, Minnesota. I had to go into Rochester one day, and on Hwy 14 as I approached the city limits, there was a young man walking on the side of the road. With this now being 1994, and with my training in EMS, I never ever stopped for hitchhikers...although this young man was not really hitchhiking. But as I passed him, I got such a tug on my heart to go back and ask him if he needed a ride, that I turned around and did just that. He was a very young man, very thin and what I would now call ethereal. He said he was staying at one of the hotels downtown. He had a family member at the Mayo Clinic for diagnosis of something, and he had just set out on a long walk to clear his head. It wasn't a very long ride into Rochester to where he was staying. and as I pulled up to the curb to let him out, I told him I would be praying for his family and for him. He stepped out of the car and bent down to the open window and said, "I know you will, you are a compassionate and loving gift to all you meet, you work here is so very important". I said the only thing on can say when given what you think is a passing compliment. I said, "Thank you." and before I could even ask his name he said, "My name is Gabriel."

I drove away, as he was waving at me, and when I looked in my rear view mirror he was there and then he was gone. Just like that. Gone. And I pondered once again. What did it all mean? Do I believe in Angel's? You betcha!