My Wings

I want to set the record straight once and for all. Everywhere I look now people, male and female are wearing shirts and tops with angels wings on them. So, I feel the need to express that my wings are not part of this recent fashion fad. My wings were tattooed on at the end of 2006, into February 2007 That is way long before the wings wannabes came into existence!

Every year when the weather warms up and  I am wearing sundresses and tops which will reveal wings, I get many comments. Most are compliments on how nice they look, some wan to know the meaning behind them, and others want to know how much it hurt.

This year I thought I would try to explain their meaning to me, and to let the world know that 'YES IT HURT".


My last post told some of my encounters with angels in my lifetime. There were songs that meant a lot during my two abusive marriages that spoke of wings, broken wings. That was exactly where I was at the time. My wings were tattered and torn. I could not fly. 
Psalm 55:6 "I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest--"
Broken Wings by Martina McBride

 Broken Wings by Mr. Mister

 In 1997 my wings began to be repaired. Little by little they have mended, through much unconditional love from my awesome Marty. And through many nights of painting angels in the cold storage room in our basement in Owatonna. Yet the total healing happened when I began Seminary in 2004, I spent the first year going deeper and deeper into my relationship with God, Creator, Universal Life Force, my Higher Self and with my angels and spirit guides (Hawk and other birds as my name was "Little Bird'")

 I experienced a life changing and life affirming moment on a trail that led to a waterfall at a camp we seminarians were staying at for retreat. The woman who was with me was Meridith, and we were walking by ourselves along this path. I will never forget the words she spoke that day, words which I just ponder within my heart, much as Mary pondered in her heart the things that Jesus did. They are private words which confirmed to me my life's purpose and who I am. There were others in my life, through my hospice work, who also, in the hours while they were making there way through the veil of this world, spoke to me in coherent words affirming my place and purpose here.

When I began my hospice journey, I wrote a journal entry for each patient I was with, and I would write something about them and what they had taught me while we spent time together. It was very meaningful to me, and it was also part of my Seminary work each month, to provide the writings as a way of 'homework' showing where I was at in the process of becoming ordained and ready to serve as a Minister of Peace in this world.

In 2006 I began to paint more angels, to feel their presence around the bed of a dying loved one, to know that they were always present in on form or another to minister to our needs. So I thought it appropriate to get some wings tattooed on my back, as a reminder of my work with hospice, and also I felt that my broken wings were now totally healed and I wanted to Know that the total healing had occurred.

I began to sketch some wings out, yet the smaller ones just didn't seem right. I kept getting them larger and larger, until they were the whole length of my back.  I went to get my hair done and my hairdresser had just gotten a beautifully colored tattoo that I really liked, and found out that Kenny from Hold Fast in Prescott had done hers. She said he had a wonderful reputation, so I set up a time to meet with him. I showed him the photo of Gabrielle (my angel painting with the pick wings), and told him I only wanted shades of pink, no black on the tattoo. He caught the vision for what I wanted and we began in September. The First session took 3 hours and he completed the whole outline.

Alana (a wonderful friend full of light and energy) was with me, as was Marty. To say that it hurt is an understatement. I only got through it with prayer, with Alana holding my hand and encouraging me through it, and with Marty whispering in my ear that it was beautiful and I was a strong woman who could do this.

I went every three weeks from Sept. to February for 2 to 3 hours for all the shading in.I would bring the book of memories of my patients, and either Marty or Susan Wedl (my dearest friend) would read to me from the book, and I would dedicate a feather to that patient. My thoughts are still that I earned these wings...I made it through two abusive marriages, and much judgement from three of my children. I am not just been a survivor of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse...I am an over comer and I have my wings totally healed and I can fly!

So, to me my wings represent my being healed of the past. They represent who I am, and the journey that it took to get me here.