What is Family?

I was told one time by a woman who really didn't know me...that the reason I didn't have family around or have many close friends was that I was one of the most cold hearted people she had ever met. I have been called many things in my lifetime, but never cold hearted. So this one threw me for a bit, until I realized that she was angry at me for something that had nothing to do with me, it was her own issues of judgement and living a life of non compassion.

When I was a young child I thought that family was a unit of people all born in under the same family name, including children adopted into a family. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family (I have yet to find someone who grew up in a perfect home, whatever that is). I was adopted, as I have written about in my previous blog posts, but really never felt that I really fit into my mother's blood family (except with Cecil Jr's and his 4 sons

1. Uncle Roy who died before I was ever born
2. Uncle Cecil who died when I was 2, his son
1. Cecil Pearson and wife Rose Edna
1. Boys, Michael, Gary, Byron and Steve
3. Joe and Ethel and their children:
1. Pat and second cousins, 
1. Penny and a boy whose name escapes me now.
4. Uncle Elmo and wife Aunt Evelyn, whose children I have forgotten their names, except that one son was a wrestler, and he had some beautiful daughters.
5. Aunt Juanita, married to Uncle Al, 
1. Cousins Pam and Keith; 
6. Aunt Edith, who was divorced by the time I remember her, with cousins 
1. Diana, 
1. Daughter Caroline, and Ricky (from 1st marriage)and Michael Schroeder (from her second marriage)., 
2. Wanda Sue, (daughter Shannon), 
3. Mary Hazelwood Sanchez and her family who moved to Oklahoma City.

My Dad's family we didn't have a lot to do with:

1. His mom Illian Traweek Bryan Johnson of Redondo Avenue, Long Beach, California.
1. His brother Ted Bryan died of polio when I was very young. Wife Maureen and Daughter Sharon in Dallas, Texas
2. His brother Max Bryan, who lived in Abilene State Hospital, and died sometime after 1985 when my dad died.
3. His sister Joyce, who died of leukemia in California, before I was born; married and had one daughter
2. His Grandmother Poll Traweek, lived in Abilene
3. His Uncle Dick Bryan of Dallas, Texas

That's about all I really had a family. It felt very disjointed and we never had any Thanksgiving or Christmases celebrated with any of them, except when I was very, very little. There are some old home movies showing Christmas morning with Pam and Keith opening gifts also.

Since my parents were 35 when they adopted me, and with my Mom being the youngest of 7 children,  it is easy to understand that my grandparents were not around. My Mom's mother and dad were both dead when I was born, as was my Dad's Father. The only grandmother I remember is Grandmother Illian who lived in California.

As far as not having had a any close friends at that time,I had just gone through a divorce, and all my close friends were involved in the church we were attending at the time, and as so often happens, those friendships just slipped away like ribbons falling through my hands. I did not want my ex finding out anything about my life through them. I did however have new friends in Paramedic class, and I cherish those friends, and of course our friends in Owatonna. Priceless gifts of 'family'.

Anyway, along my life's journey there have been people who have come into my life who I would call surrogate moms, dads, sisters and brothers. I never thought it strange that our 'family' wasn't close. It was just normal. From my experiences in life, it has been friends that have played the very important 'family' roles.

So, to me family is much broader than my husband, my four children, our 5 grandchildren, one ex daughter in law (although she is not an 'ex' to me), one ex girlfriend who is mother to one of our grandsons. Marty's Mom and Dad and sister's are in there too. My 'family' includes my friends...those who I have known for more than since high school, since I was a young mother.  Friends from Chicago, Friends from Minnesota, and now Friends here in Prescott Valley. They are family to me.

Friends are truly the family we chose........