Crazy Love

Today is a very special day, not because it is Valentine's Day necessarily, but because this day 15 years ago something started that carried within it a life of its own, that brings me to this day, to write these words.

I am sure there are a lot of people who do not like Valentine;s Day because they look at it as the day when people 'in love' celebrate being with someone in a relationship. To me, however, this day has been continually about just sharing love.  It is a day when I could let people I know just how important they are to me. I have done this since my early childhood, and continues to this day.

Love has many definitions. We each hold in our minds our own definition of what love is, and we look through those beliefs to shape our beliefs about Valentine's day.

Fifteen years ago I was in Paramedic School. I was also in a marriage which had not really been a marriage for a number of years. That is a whole other story, but I will state here that I stayed married for as long as I did (16 years) due to my religious beliefs. As the years past by I grew, I learned that staying with someone out of duty, or out of fear is NOT what God had in mind for two people to be together. In my new found self assurance and independence I went back to school to pursue my dreams and a life without abuse.

Classes began in the Fall of 1996. It was awesome. The old Charlotte came back to life. To LIFE. The dead parts of my soul were revived by the lives who touched me so deeply. My classmates allowed me to grow, to see that happiness is a way of LIFE, and that I did deserve happiness. For those people I shall always remain grateful.

My plan when I entered school was to get my Intensive Care Paramedicine degree and get a medic job and divorce my husband, take my children and create a loving happy life for the three of us. That was MY plan.

But fate, or destiny, or God stepped in and took those plans away and replaced them with another plan which I was not prepared for at all.

My best friend from Plainview, Tom, and I drove together each Tuesday and Thursday night to Winona for our classes. We were on the volunteer ambulance in Plainview, and went on so many calls together that I lost count. We made a great team. Tom became the only person I could tell the truth to about how difficult a decision it was to make a plan for my future. We spent many many hours talking during the our and a half we drove to and from class. Neither of us were 'happy' in our marriages, and we trusted each other and quickly Tom became the brother I never had.

I am not sure of the exact time which I found out that someone in class had a crush on me, all I remember was us driving back to Plainview in a blizzard. We were talking about the relationships that were showing up between people in our class, and I told Tom that there was a guy who I really thought was just very special, and sweet. He in turn told me that he knew there was someone who liked me. When he told me it was Marty, I just couldn't believe it, because Marty was the guy I had these feelings for. It was just crazy. Not only was I married and I kept reminding myself that I shouldn't have feelings for another man, I was a lot older than Marty. I just thought it was an infatuation. Something that would pass with time.

The weeks went by, and soon I found myself doing my nromal baking for Valenite's day, which included some special cookies I made every year since I had my home based bakery back in the late 70's in to the early 80's. I made special cookies for everyone in class, and homemade chocolate candies too. I gave everyone there cookies in class except for Marty. I waited until he was walking to his car after class was over to give him his gift. It was this heart shaped cookie box filled with homemade candies.

As I gave it to him I thought my heart was beating so fast and I was so nervous. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression, but I did want him to know that I thought he was a very special man. He thanked me, and many years later told me that he threw away some of the candy, chocolate covered cherries that he hates! And he thought, Oh, boy, I am going to get lucky!

So months past, my marriage continued to crumble more and more until there was nothing but ashes laying in a heap all around me. The soul contract I had with my husband was complete. It was over. I won't write here that I made really wise decisions about how to end the relationship, and about how to handle the kids. I had already been a single Mom to my oldest two, and knew how hard it would be for me to work full time, finish paramedic shool and take full care of the kids, so we reached a compromise. I would finish school, get a job and then the kids would come to live with me. That is a whole other story too, one which I will tell in the future. So, that is what I did. I moved to Winona, shared a home with one of my classmates, had one bedroom and Marty graciously said I could move some of my furniture into his apartment, since it was really crowded at the other place. I did my homework at his place and did my work study for our teacher there also. Truth be told, I was living with Marty. I moved in on May 1, 1997, and we have been together ever since.

Didn't see that coming at all. Yet this man, three weeks into our living together, turned to me one night when we were in bed, and he said, "Charlotte, I love you." I was speechless. Totally. Thought he was just infatuated with me, and that we would enjoy each other while we were in school, and then say goodbye once we graduated.

That didn't happen either. Obviously, cause we are still together 15 years later.

There is a lot more to the story, but I will close this by saying that he still makes my heart beat faster when I see him. He still winks at me and my heart just melts. I love him so much that every day is a miracle. He is all I ever dreamed of, all I ever imagined was possible in a man. He is my soul mate. Tried and True.

So this year, the 15th Valentine's day that we have known each other, I gave him another cookie heart....

So, for all the people who supported us, encouraged us and stuck with us through our relationship I send huge amounts of love and gratitude. For others who thought that this would never last, I say to them that I hope that they can find a love as true as ours. For my children and some of Marty's family who were (and maybe still are) embarrassed about our relationship, I say...look at us know, look at how we made this work, and be happy for us, that we have found true love in each other.

All of us want to love and to be loved. Love knows no age, no race, no religion. Love only knows love.

May each of you really know Crazy Love in your lifetime.

It is awesome.