Baby on Board 1971

This Child of Mine~ Kenneth Shan Bates

In early Spring of 1971 I knew I was pregnant. 16 years old. Junior in High School. Alone. My boyfriend at the time was Jimmy Hill, a classmate of mine at Lanier Light School.

I met Shan's birth father through a mutual friend. I had just come out of a relationship that was tried at the very least and Jimmy had gone through a really rough breakup with his girlfriend. She was up in the Edna Gladney Home waiting to give birth and give the baby up for adoption. We both had just had our hearts broken and after meeting for a blind date we just fell into each other's arms quite naturally. We went to Hill of the Moon out on Howard Lane every Sunday to listen to bands play up until dark.  

We were, of course, hippies and as such we did smoke the Maryjane, cannabis, weed or grass...whatever you want to call it. But we didn't do anything harder than that. I remember one afternoon we went out 2222 to Bullick Hollow Road, then left onto 2769. We drove a long way until we saw the bonfire where the 'party' was. We had a great time, everyone was sharing joints and just enjoying the evening. There were some kids there who were not considered to be 'hippies', they were the popular kids at school. One guy shared his joints freely and soon we were all feeling the effects. He announced that his pot was the best because it was laced with Opium. Most of us hippies were not cool with that because he didn't tell us until after we'd all smoked it. I ended up dancing all by myself in the field as the full moon shone down. Jimmy found me and we lay down looking up at the moon until most of the effects were gone. 

Jimmy was taking Auto Mechanics at Lanier and he had bought himself an old hearse that he had renovated the back into a really nice upholstered vehicle. The hearse itself was black and he carried that theme into the space where the caskets had lain. There was a mattress that covered the entire space with  black lights and some posters on the top. I loved it! We all did. He had really outdone himself.

I really felt bad for Jimmy because his father was really hard on him. Nothing that he did was good enough for his dad. we had that in common too, for my mother was the same way with me. I knew that Jimmy didn't love me, I didn't love him either, but we were there for one another. I remember that his sister was pregnant at the time. She was a grade below us. Their mom was so sweet and just loved them both with unconditional love.

During Spring break I realized that I was probably pregnant and in my counting days from my last period I truly thought that the baby was my former boyfriends. I told Jimmy and he was so supportive all the while I was scrambling for what I was going to do. I decided that I needed to tell my former boyfriend, Mike, about it so I ran away with another friend, Susan Turner, to tell him that I was pregnant.

He was having some guys over because one of his buddies had gotten out of Juvie, and they were drinking. When I got there, he was very happy to see me, he accepted that I was pregnant, and even picked out the baby's name.  Unfortunately, and yet fortunately for me as time has proven, in the morning when I woke up, he came in and said that he was not the father of the baby, that he couldn't be, and if I pressed the matter he would have all his friends testify that they had all had sex with me. So, as crushed as I was, I held my head high, and Susan and I caught rides out to my parents lake house to figure out what to do. She was tired of the way she was being treated by her father and step mother, so she was going to try to find her mother.

Susan had a friend who was living in the back apartment behind Ramshorn Coop down by the University of Texas. She came and got us and let us stay with her. We took the bus from UT all the way out to Lanier and then we usually found a ride back after school was over. While there I did make an appointment with my family doctor, which Jimmy took me to. Back then you didn't know right away. It was the days when they would 'kill the rabbit' in order to find out if one was pregnant. My rabbit bit the dust. I will never forget that phone call. Jimmy had brought me home from school and we were sitting on the living room floor as I spoke to the nurse. She said that I was pregnant and of course I was crying like a baby and Jimmy just held me I his arms and told me that somehow everything would work out. All I knew was that my mother was going to kill me. 

My mother was irate when I called her and my Dad. I knew I couldn't go home so, my dad brought my things to me, and helped me move in. It wasn't but a few days later that I began to get so sick from the fumes of the bus  as we went to school. I downed lots of crackers on those bus rides, but I managed to make it to school. I was determined to graduated with my class. At the end of May, when school got out, I moved back home. My life for the next months was a living hell. Susan's father sent her to her mother's and I never knew her name or how to contact her.

My mother wanted me to get an abortion. I wouldn't do it. She tried on various occasions to throw chairs, dishes, anything that was within her reach, right at my baby bump thinking that if she hit me hard enough I would miscarry. My very best friend, Mary, gave me a lot of support during those really hard days. I could not have made it without her support. I couldn't see Jimmy anymore and I thought it best because I was pregnant with someone else's baby.

One week-end in June, the last one I believe, a friend of mine, Gina Keen, came up to Austin with her parents for a visit. We went out with me driving my Dad's 1971 Chevy truck, and we went to the drive in on Burnet Road. That's when I first saw Ken, and his friend Robert. When Gina and I left the drive-in to cruise down to UT, they followed us, and we pulled over on White Horse Drive, just off Burnet Road, and we talked for a long time. He wanted my number, I gave it to him.

Ken called just the next week, and wanted to go out. I told him I was pregnant, and he said he didn't care. So we began dating. The summer was fun, going out to his parents home on the lake. He took me on motorcycle rides, until I got too big! I never really thought that it would be serious, yet he told me that he loved me, and I didn't really know what to say back. I had lost a lot of trust in guys.

I started school in the Fall of 1971 at the Special Pregnant school. We preggies were not allowed to go to our high schools, and you would be amazed at who showed up there while I was there. So half a day of school, then lots of studying, and growing bigger with each passing day.

I remember the first time that Shan moved within me. It was the most awesome thing in the whole world, to feel life growing inside of me. I talked to him every day, sang songs to him, played music that Ken had recorded which was all classical music. I got my hands on anything at the library that I could to read about having a baby. There were no instructions or classes for us 'wayward girls'. No visit to the hospital, except when my Dad went with me to get pre-registered.

 

Mary and I spent a lot of time walking the mall. She held a baby shower for me, which my mother would not come to. She was so angry at all the gifts I got, saying I didn't deserve anything.

The due date was in December, and I just kept getting bigger and bigger with leg cramps so bad that walking up the stairs to Ken's apartment was no fun. I got stuck on the stairs once, and when Ken and Mary finally got me into the apartment, we called my doctor, and he told me to lay down and not try the stairs again that night. My mother was just thrilled that I was spending the night with Ken.

I began to have a lot of small contractions, no one called the Braxton Hicks back then. I went in for my weekly checkup the second week in December and was dilated to '2' and the doctor said I could have the baby any time. 

The morning of December 11, 1971 dawned. I had some lower back pain, but that was all. Then I went in to go to the bathroom around 10:00 a.m. and my water broke. I called Mary, called Ken, called my doctor. He said to go to the hospital. Mary picked me up, and she never has let me forget that I left a 'water stain' on her front seat. Ken met us at the hospital. I was two weeks early.

I got settled into a room, they were remodeling St. David's OB/GYN floor, so I was given a regular room. I never did begin contractions, so they put an IV in and gave me Pitocin. I went from no labor, to intense labor in a matter of minutes. Ouch. 

It was really funny, looking back on that day. Mary and Ken were with me, and they heard the nurse explain about labor, and how important it was to relax. So, when I would have a contraction Ken would draw circles on the back of my hand to distract me. That was my focal point. He did a really good job too.

My parents arrived with their best friends, so they had their support system in place. My mother would come to the bedside, and she would take my hand and tell me to squeeze as hard as I could if I needed to. Now, Mom had never given birth (I was adopted), so she was really trying to do the best she could with what limited knowledge she had. I just kept focusing on Ken's circles.

For being 16 and giving birth, I think I did really well. I could hear other women yelling, and I knew I didn't want any sound like that coming from me. I followed the nurses instructions and took long breaths, and just concentrated on the circles. My doctor came in and saw a little tear roll down my cheek, and he said, "Charlotte, are you in a lot of pain?" I said, "I guess so." Then he told me that I could ask for something to ease the pain. I don't remember what they gave me, but it did relax me a little.

Not long after, I was ready to push Shan into the world. I had gone through all the labor, and my birth plan was to have a saddle block, as they did not have any epidurals back then. So, onto the delivery table I went, sitting on the side, leaning forward for the saddle block to be placed in my spine. It was done in no time, and then I laid back on the delivery table. But I could not push. I tried and tried, but I could not feel my muscles tighten, and I could not bear down. One nurse pushed on my belly, and the doctor used forceps to get Shan out into the world.  Later I would learn that I had already gone through the most painful part, and that it would have been easier on me and on Shan for me to have not had the saddle block.

Anyway, Kenneth Shan Bates was born......and it was love at first sight.

Going home 12-15-1971

'Aunt Mary'

My Dad, Grandpa

The Three people who gave me so much support and love throughout my pregnancy and birth.

Ken

        

Happy Mom, Happy Shan

The rest of the story: Ken and I were married in 1973 and he adopted Shan right afterward. As the years went on and after Shan had his own daughter and son he wanted to find his birth father. I gave him the information I had, as I had found Mike's  aunt on Facebook. He contacted her and she told Mike and he insisted that he wasn't the birth father. A paternity test proved that he was right...he wasn't Shan's birthfather. I was stunned. For over 40 years I had thought that Mike was the birth father. The only other boy I had been with was Jimmy so I contacted his sister as I had kept in contact with her. Paternity test proved that he was Shan's birth father. They have a relationship now, as well as Shan has met his Aunt, his half brother and his Grandmother.

As for me, I think how different my life would have been if I had of known in 1971 that Jimmy was the father of my baby. I would not have felt so all alone. It makes me wonder how often we, as humans, make choices that we honestly don't know what the outcome could be if we chose differently. Yet, we do make the choices that we have to live with...and somehow we end up exactly where Creator wants us to end up.

I honestly would not change anything, no matter how broken the road was...it led me to the love of my life...Marty. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary on April 1. I am grateful for my experience of becoming a Mom and  my heart still smiles when I think back to the moment I held Shan in my arms.