Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?
'cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
'Cause I, I love you, I want you to know
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go
No, no
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side
My hands are holding you
This song was playing as I drove up the mountains today bringing home our new vehicle. I love the words, 'don't fight these hands that are holding you,' and I became so completely immersed with the goodness of Spirit that I felt tears running down my cheeks. The love of God in that moment held me so close that I could feel totally loved and accepted for who I am.
I realized a few weeks ago that I was actually afraid to pray for anything that I wanted or felt I needed in my life. I shared this with my daughter Sarah one afternoon as we talked about praying for her new job to come into her life. It is easy to pray for someone else, but my track record of praying for things and situations to change for the better just plain old sucks. Long life story of unanswered prayers and relationships that are so broken I cannot repair them.
A few days later we went to surprise Sarah for her birthday. We met her in the parking lot of the Vineyard church she worships at. How I have missed that kind of worship, the kind that just flows with the Spirit, no one looking at their watches to see if the pastor goes over his allotted time. Everyone there to worship God in their own way, and it was just a beautiful worship service. They sang a song which I was not familiar with but soon I was singing with my heart and soul the words of God's love for me. We were singing to God: How great is your love for me? In other words, how great is the love that God has for each and every one of us? That love is so great that there is absolutely NOTHING that can separate us from that love. Nothing. Not one thing. No matter what it may look like on the outside, whether prayers seem to fall on deaf ears....God's love still holds me up, holds you up.
Right at the moment that I 'got the message' of the song I realized that the prayers have been answered, just not the way that I think they should be answered. The answer came and God's love washed over me, like waves washing over me in the ocean.
Here is what the Spirit spoke to me that July 13, 2014 (F.Y.I. it would have been my Mom's 94th birthday, so of course I could hear her also saying that everything is gonna be all right)
How much do I love you Charlotte? More that I can ever know
I want you to love them as I have loved you.Okay, but I thought I was already doing that.
How do I love you? You wait for me to come to you in my brokenness.
Yes, that's it, I wait for you to come to me. I never plead with you. I don't push you. I wait for you to come running into the throne room, like the child of mine that you are. You jump into my lap and tell me all the latest news. I listen and then what do I tell you? You tell me to leave my concerns with you and that I can go along and play in this garden of life because you have everything handled.
That's it. I just simply love you until you lay your burdens down, letting go of even the tiniest thread of "I can fix it", and you step back and allow me to handle anything that concerns you.
I left that service with a clean heart and left my cares with God. I came home and put my prayers in the Reiki bowl with all the other prayers from clients and friends. Guess what?
Sarah - new job.
Marty - passed his math with an A
Us - new car (one that has everything I asked for and more)
All within these last two weeks. Is God still on the throne? Can I get an Amen?
Oh, and those relationships that need mending, somehow, someway, some day...if it happens that's fine by me, and if it doesn't...it is not a reflection of my worth in this glorious Kingdom of God which is NOW...not in some future place, but Now, God...Your kingdom come and Your will be done....
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