A Woman Who Changed My Life

When I worked for hospice there were many people who had a wonderful impact on my life. There was one woman, however, who changed my life like no other. Her name was Alma Jo Stevens.

Alma Jo first greeted me dressed like she was expecting someone very important, and week after week she greeted me with her clothing matching her shoes, her makeup impeccable and her hair always looking perfect. She was a gracious woman, and She always had something to share with me about being born in Prescott and what life was like growing up in the wild, wild west. She had memorabilia of special moments in her life on her bookshelves and we never ran out of things to talk about.

The greatest thing that she wanted to talk about was how she had learned to 'Let Go and Let God.' I saw her for a year and every time she would walk me to the door she would tell me, "Charlotte, Let Go and Let God." As time went by we would be standing at he door saying good-bye and she would take my face in her hands and look deep into my eyes and say, "Let Go and Let God,"

She had no knowledge that our youngest daughter was going through an extremely rebellious time. She didn't know that my two sons had disowned me because I set boundaries that they didn't like, causing them to 'divorce' me. She didn't know that my oldest daughter was trying to not get caught in the middle of it all. She had no idea how important the words she spoke were to me. Without her telling me every week to let go and let God I don't think that I would have made it through those dark days.

Our conversions were always fun and filled with her history. She was the first Homecoming Queen for Prescott High School. She had the newspaper article along with the corsage and her sash out for display. She had her yearbooks that we looked at. She had clippings from the rodeos and she was truly a cowgirl at heart. We never lacked for things to talk about.

When she would take my face into her hands of wisdom, and say those words of truth it truly was as if God was saying them to me, giving me perfect words for what I was going through. As the days grew into weeks, and weeks into months, we really became close. As she declined she asked if I could come later in the day after the CNA helped her get dressed. Then the day came that she sat in her chair with her pajamas on. It was hard on her to decline, but I always made a point to tell her she looked ready to receive the Queen. Then she laughed and we'd have great visit.

During her last days I visited her more often and I would always end the visit by taking her face into y hands and saying, "Remember Alma Jo, Let Go and Let God." She would tell me, "Goodbye my Little Bird." That was her way of acknowledging my Cherokee name...Little Bird. She even gave me a small little bird to keep and I still have it in my Reiki room.

Here is my memorial for her, taken from the notebook where I keep my memories of the people I have been with while working for hospice.

From my Memorial Journal of  Hospice patients

Nineteen Years of Holding Hands

Yesterday evening we went to Chili's for dinner. It was a very spontaneous thing as Marty was coming home from school and I was coming home from attending the Executive Mtg for church. We met in the parking lot of Wal-Mart and then decided that we'd head to Chili's. We drove up in separate vehicles and met in the parking lot and walked into the restaurant.

The sweet girl who was the hostess opened the door for us and she said, "You guys are so cute together. Holding hands and looking at each other with love. I want that someday". We thanked her, and I told her the secret to living together now for 19 years, was to let all the small things go.

After we got home I got to thinking about our journey together for the last 19 years. we have been through SO MUCH together. From living in Winona in Marty's small apartment over a Christian Bookstore to living here in Prescott Valley, Arizona in a home that is a beautiful reflection of who we are as individuals and as a couple, we have always held hands. What does that mean?

From the moment we were first together we held hands, in public and in private. From watching TV, to sitting in a restaurant, to riding in the car, our hands just found each other without even really thinking about it. That was and is, who we are.

I think the first time the I was made aware of how significant it was, that small gesture of love between us, was during the winter, coming up the hill from Winona to Hwy 90 and the road was very icy. We were in the fast lane and the "Rochester boys" as we called them were just behind us in the slow lane. Marty, paying more attention to the guys, was headed for the pylon that began its separation of north and south lanes. All of us, at the same time, looked ahead and saw the pylon. Time seemed to slow down and Marty steered the car into the right lane and we made it home without further incident. 

The thing I remember most was that we never stopped holding hands throughout the whole incident. I realized how calmly Marty handled he situation and I was not used to that at all. From that moment on I began to notice how Marty faced difficulties with a quiet calmness. It had the affect on me that I was able to relax after living with a manic/depressive man for 16 years.

Not long after the pylon incident happened we were coming home from dropping the kids off at their dads. It was snowing and the roads were icy. We went into a curve and the slow motion camera came on again as the car slowly slid off the road into the ditch. We were holding hands throughout this incident also. Marty stayed calm and simply backed out of the ditch and we went home.

Although most people think of Marty as that sarcastic joker, I've lived with him for 19 years and I've seen the "real man" when he lays aside his jokes and sarcastic remarks. He is a compassionate man who cares a lot about helping people and loves being able to adopt rescue dogs. He is kind. He is strong. 

Our relationship has changed over time, like all do. We are comfortable with one another and it feels so good. One thing has not changed though. 

We still hold hands.